Statler: What a coincidence!

Waldorf: We tried to make a sex tape once, right Statler?

Statler: It really is a great time to be alive, right Waldorf?

Statler: Fed up?

Statler: What's Whiplash??

Waldorf: I'd love to do our normal routine of being snarky assholes, but seeing more of the victims of Cosby's terrible crimes just takes the spring out of my step.

Statler: You know, the Enterprise in that header photo is a perfect metaphor for this franchise!

Statler: Hey!

Waldorf: What's been your favorite movie of 2014?

Statler: He's a liar!

Statler: Yes, this comment section sure is better than the alternative!

Statler: Gas can be awful, especially at my age. It stinks, it's painful, it's dreadful to anticipate…

Statler: Look buddy, we're also constantly being accused of never posting anything positive.

Waldorf: I disagree. Some shit DOES need to be explained.

Statler: You know where else I've heard the phrase "came early"?

Statler: I'm not sure whose crazier these days…the fact that someone finds all these comments in such a timely fashion, or the fact that we still stick around this place!

Statler: That moment sure was subtle!

Statler: But people love to promote and celebrate entertainment that's utter garbage!
Waldorf: It's true! How do you think The Muppets have been so successful for so long??

Statler: Lay off the Simpsons references?? Can The AV Club do that??

Statler: Hey, that Riddler guy is tossing people down trapdoors in the comment section!