It’s to the point where a black Challenger can’t even drive down the street anymore without being mistaken for some kind of criminal. These are sad times we live in.

It takes a manly man to cry . It takes an even manlier man to cry while covered in tiny tiny kittens* so you should get some kittens just in case.

Unless you’re allergic to shrimp, in which case you just have to stare sadly while everyone else eats all the goddamn grits every Easter.

The people who think that they can get extra proteins for free because they hate vegetables. Ugh.

As some of you know, I grew up in rural Utah. I was not mormon and it was, um, hellish. I was by nature a pretty standard kid, but standard kid stuff made you a weirdo in my town, so I struggled to fit in without loosing myself. In any event, I joined the girl scouts in an attempt to make friends. I must have been…

My mom passed away in 2009 from ovarian cancer. She was not the warm and fuzzy type when I was growing up—that was my dad. She and I had an odd relationship, which she tried to remedy in her own way before she died. So it’s hard to remember anything that stands out in particular. She was an efficient caretaker,…

My mom waited until I was a grown and married lady to tell me this story.

Mom drug stories are the best. Once in college I asked my mom when she and my dad stopped smoking pot (because I know they didn’t smoke up when I was growing up, but I also know that a lot of their friends never quit), and she stammered something about obviously not while I was pregnant with you and your sister, but…

My mom is a total badass. In the early 90s she filed a complaint against her employer for gender discrimination. She won and that’s why my very middle class parents have a beach house. Also, when my brother was diagnosed with dyslexia, his teacher very kindly tried to reassure my mother that a learning disability did…

My MUM.

Really this just reminds me how Once really seems to hate moms. Regina the adoptive mom is abusive and was also abusive as a stepmom, Snow was retconned into having done something evil because she thought unborn Emma might be evil, Cora was literally heartless, Eva was retconned into having done something bad and been…

My mom was a single mom from the time I was 5 (with a newborn brother) and she often worked 2-3 jobs to support us. She was our champion at school and was there for me through my horrible depression/suicide attempts as a teenager. She would & did do anything for us. She still does.

My mom did not get along with one of my pop’s cousins. They kept it civil for the most part, but the cousin took it up a level by trying to tell some bullshit story about my mom at a family get together. It, of course, got back to my mom. So Mom was walking out of a drugstore one day, holding my brother’s hand (he was…

In was in the car with my mom, on my way to run an errand. She took my time in car captivity to ask 17-year-old me about a girl in town who had died from OD-ing on ecstasy. My mom asked me about “the ecstasy” and I was all snarky, like “what do you know about drugs, MOM?” [eye roll] She responded “You know, the one…

My mom grew up on a farm in Kansas in the 1920s, so she had a really different attitude about pets than the rest of us. My dad loved all cats and dogs, and so did all of us kids, and we did things that drove her crazy like let them on the furniture or on the bed. In my mom’s opinion, cats should really be mostly…

My mom is a spitfire. She’s a tiny, fierce, mean, Irish lady. She had 6 kids in 6 1/2 years. I have a ton of great stories about her, like the time she bought a huge crystal chandelier at an estate sale several hours from our home. Lacking anything to wrap it in for the ride home, she stripped down to bra and panties,…

When I was 4 we lived in Oklahoma City for a year because my dad had to teach a course there for his work. At the end of the year my parents decided we would visit my grandparents in Florida before driving back up to New York with me, my four hundred older brothers and our two hamsters. It was too expensive to fly,…

My mom is adorably clueless, and like a tiny sprite of a human being. She also dresses kind of masculine, has a pixie cut and is full of tattoos. So bearing that in mind, once my family was on vacation in Vegas. One of the days we were there, we signed up for a tour of Red Rock Canyon. Our tour guide was awful for…

I was trying to think of a best, but I couldn’t, so I’m just going with badass-est.

After a particularly horrific breakup my mother was my rock. We were very close. One afternoon my emotionally abusive ex was a lunch with a date. I wasn’t at the restaurant but my mother and her friends were.