Not working for me on Chrome for iPhone.

Those aren't real penises.

Do you have one of the following: eyepatch, peg leg, hook?

In my experience, owning an exotic pet is a huge red flag for mental health issues.

Move.

Oh, God! What was I thinking? The poor thing didn't get to celebrate her MILESTONE birthday because her friends were busy dealing with real adult issues!!! How did I not drop to my knees and tell her her anger is 1000% justified? I mean, after all, she wrote some thank you cards!!!!!

Sounds to me like you bought some incense.

That's a paddlin'.

You gotta love the Old Testament.

So it goes...

shrug

You're 30, not 13.

He's not your friend, he's just some guy who wants to stick his dick in you. Once. And then he wants to go stick his dick in other people who aren't you.

Dammit, now I want a Pan flute.

Good luck.

My understanding is that the only recommendations that count for Jezebel are the ones from folks with bylines. So, rather than telling Mark Schrayber that you find his taste in articles execrable and his writing pedestrian, perhaps you might want to tell him he has pretty eyes.

Love the bootleg video.

I just keep reminding myself that I'm a member of the patriarchy and then everything is all better.

Goddamn socialist. Next thing you know you'll be wanting to be treated as well as a rich white man.

You know what's really nice? Being able to take my daughter to the doctor when I need to without worrying about being able to make the mortgage this month.