Seventh grade, late eighties. I spent weeks and weeks getting this girl to finally like me. She was the best friend of my best friend’s girlfriend. She was very pretty but very quiet. She went to an all girls Catholic school, so my friend and I were the only boys she knew. Finally she agreed to be my girlfriend,…

Is he going to be super witty on the show?

I’m not sure there is any difference. I think McDonald’s just gets a bad rap that it doesn’t quite deserve. It’s not health food, obviously. But eating it 2-3 times per week isn’t going to kill you.

Exactly. I gave The Phantom Menace a pass because I wanted so badly to like it. And it was ok. Just ok. At best. Disappointing, but I wasn't ready to give up.

Lmao, thanks. I wish I worked for the Cubs, but no.

They’re well on their way to building a good team. Improving the stadium helps, in my opinion. I guess they should have just done nothing and let the fucking place fall apart. And is there any other MLB stadium that doesn’t have one of these crazy “bullshit video boards?”

I’m right here. Everything is going to be fine. And the construction project is much needed. First, the park needed it. Second, it will help inject life into this organization. How many major construction projects go off without a hitch? Jesus Christ. You guys are beating this story into the ground.

Not sure this is anything new. I’ve heard stories from my uncle about guys at Wrigley pissing in the aisles.

Lifelong Cubs fan and I love that they’re doing this. The new ownership has been committed to making the team a consistent contender and erasing the lovable loser label that has plagued it for decades. Part of that is making much needed renovations to the ballpark to bring it somewhat into the 21st century while…

I thought it was pretty funny. Really don’t get all the Bill Maher hate. I watch his show pretty regularly and while I don’t agree with everything he says, he does his homework, is articulate and capable of making really good points. And he’s funny as hell.

You’re probably right. I know nothing about South Korea and its citizens’ feelings about possible reunification. Germany might have been a poor comparison. I just don’t know what else would happen if (or in my opinion WHEN) North Korea collapses.

There could be no reunification under the current N. Korean regime, but I have a strong suspicion that regime’s days are numbered. It could be a year, five years, or ten, but I just can’t see North Korea as we know it lasting. It is so unstable and tenuous, I’m surprised it’s lasted as long as it has. And I get the…

At one of my first college keg parties, still new to drinking, standing just outside the back door leaning against the house and puking onto my shoes as the cops were breaking up the party and doing their walk through. Everybody was exiting the house in a hurry, going right by me, and I overheard somebody say, “Been…

I’m weird about handshakes. I learned as a kid that a guy isn’t supposed to offer the handshake but wait for the woman to offer. Granted, this was from a manners book my grandmother gave me that was probably written in 1950. But it’s been a habit ever since. And once when I did offer, I got chewed out later by my…

I grew up a Cubs fan and in the early nineties watched almost every single game that was televised on WGN. In 1991 or 1992, I wrote a letter to WGN begging them to fire Harry. He was so, so bad at that point. Basically incoherent. Fortunately he didn't do road games anymore, and in home games he would switch from…

I had a friend, an attorney I worked with, who missed his jury trials on a regular basis. It was amazing how often the courts actually tolerated this bullshit. We all had to cover for him on a regular basis. Once I was heading to the office and got the call from him, "I've got bad news. I have chest pains and the…

I actually tip well. I have tipped 20% for about as long as I've been paying for my own food - 20+ years. I usually go slightly over 20%.

Shhhh. Just let these jealous no-talents keep pretending they are better than the actually talented guy that they relentlessly emulate.

In the vast VAST majority of worlds, you wouldn't exist. No question about it. Then again, there would be a near infinite amount of worlds in which you do. My head hurts now.

"Hold my beer for a second. I'm going to try something."