This shit isn’t new. Read horror stories of Canadian Juniors hockey if you really want to be disgusted. It almost makes you think helicopter stage dads like Bryce Harper’s might be the less stupid ones.

Better tip? Ditch kale and go for Swiss chard instead. All the healthy attributes but you don’t have to give it a deep-tissue rubdown to make it taste good. The hype is all a conspiracy by BIG KALE to trap you into eating a shabby green.

We need a weekly Triple-Russell watch. Currently 31.8 ppg, 9.8 rpg, 9.5 apg.

Oh fuck Mike Stoops right in the ear. He quit coaching quality defense a long time ago but that worthless, gin-soaked dickhead keeps cashing his paycheck now doesn’t he?

Jeez Pollak, you won. Why the long face?

Not pictured: FENTOOOOOOOOOONNN!!!!!

I own a house. I do not own any of my neighbors’ houses. Makes it real easy for me to mind my own business.

No gauntness for me. I’m eating my feelings, thankyouverymuch.

I like how everyone is supposed to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and make it through hard work and sacrifice except laid-off white people who get mad when they don’t get the good shit delivered to their doorstep.

As usual, it was shitty white people. On a grand scale, if something goes terribly wrong, Occam’s Razor should generally point you towards shitty white people. For any trolls that want to blast me, be sure to say “race TRAITOR”. A race trader is not a thing.

I wish he’d fish the Bassmaster Opens like Gerald Sensabaugh does now. Randy’s just a country boy. He’d probably do really well.

I really liked how excited he was in his post-game interview to talk about how this was the first time he’s ever won a team championship. I’d imagine it can get pretty tough being the best guy on the field almost your whole life and never actually winning anything for the team.

I can already see where this is going to go wrong (other than the pitch meeting where someone greenlit a Heathers TV reboot). The Heathers were caricatures of weird, wealthy, and white elites, who were nasty and capricious for no good goddamned reason other than other people weren’t as wealthy or white as them. You…

No fair trying to make Bobhy Valentine look like a decent human being.

You are correct. Meant the author. Sorry!

When you say twerking came from Cheeky in the same sentence that you note she was two years after Jubilee to mention it in a song it’s like saying Blondie invented rap with “Rapture”. If people were already doing it, you didn’t make it a thing, honey.

Instead of urging Komen to cut ties with anyone, I’m just gonna keep urging decent people to cut ties with Komen. Seems more effective than trying to force them into actually becoming an organization that is pro-woman.

Hey, Yogurt will fuck a dude up with Spaceballs: The Flamethrower.

“wriggle it up to my bare belly and sit on the toilet ass-first”

I pride myself on not letting my self-worth be affected by dudes who smear toothpaste on things other than a toothbrush.