You’re not wrong. When Alan Grayson said he would challenge the constitutionality of Cruz’s eligibility for the presidency, Cruz stated he would provide his long-form USDA inspection certificate.

You're right, but they punished Clemson to avoid hurting Alabama. Some good the 1-seed is.

I used to hate Keith Jackson because of all his grumbling about old-school Big 10/Pac-10, “the Rose Bowl is the grandaddy of them all!!!” nonsense at the inception of the BCS, but then he retired and things swung so far to other side with ESPN sniffing Mike Slive’s rotten bunghole that it made me pine for the old…

So incredibly disrespectful of the flag. Everyone knows the only appropriate apparel made to resemble the flag of our great nation is the American flag bikini.

If it affects draft order though, the Ravens win by losing. Blessing in disguise?

Where the whistle tips at???

A statistics prof would have been fine.

Trent Green can’t remember if this is worse than the one he took.

Giant steak, you say? I’m listening.....

This is how I hunt my wily family hound with my Nerf armory. I’ll put kibble in his bowl and then hide behind the kitchen island. As soon as he gets comfortable coming to eat, that little bastard gets 15 fully-auto nerf darts from neck to tail. Then I hold him down and make my wife take a picture of us to commemorate…

I could give two shits about Duke, but if you’re going to go so far as to say the crew fucked up so bad they need to be suspended two games but then don’t reverse the final score, it ain't ever gonna happen. What more would it take? Federal gambling charges?

I wish I were half as good at anything as Rick Baker is at his life’s work.

Just throwing this out there, but there are about 100,000 public schools in the U.S., and good teachers are welcome at all of them.

There is a pretty simple solution to this actually. Upon being wed, everyone must choose one of two names; Princess Consuela Bananahammock, or Crap Bag.

As a man who lives in suburban Richmond whose dog recently bit a trespassing drunk, I believe that my apex of “Ask a Lawyer” relevancy has been reached. Thanks, Ask a Lawyer!

I bet Owusu gives great hugs.

I watched a makeover episode, and Tyra had someone grind a gap between a contestant’s teeth. That is FUCKED UP.

Yeah, man! Tuned in for the second half of the game, and noticed a woman doing color.

Thought #1: “Hey, there’s a woman doing the color. How about that?”

Absolutely true regarding the essential importance of sports media. The only reason anyone watches the NFL is because of Chris Berman. Same with the NBA and Stephen A. Smith. If I didn’t have some idiot dickhead telling me that his best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows…

Man, what kind of ego do you have to have to sexually harass Ashley Judd by making her watch YOU shower?