He’s no cunt... he lacks depth and warmth.

Because absolutes are always the best advice, right?

1. Admit that you’ve never contemplated a world in which things didn’t end up perfectly for you and readjust accordingly.

“A gift of water? You don’t say...”

We need to hang out, because I’m an angry, grumpy person, especially when it comes to assholes who can’t keep their fucking hands to themselves. We hang out and do fun shit, and I get to throat punch anyone who touches your hair.

I love this conversation:

Uggh. I feel your pain. At least once a month, I find myself standing in line at Target or Starbucks to find someone touching my hair. And yes, one lady at Starbucks once sent her little girl outside to ask if she could touch it. I almost said yes until she said she had to because it reminded her of her dog’s fur.…

I mean, I’d like to touch snow leopards and tigers but do not. Because I value not being torn limb from limb.

STAND THERE IN YOUR WRONGNESS AND BE WRONG.

As a fellow big fluffy haired person, I feel you, Reggie. The touching, the questions, ugh.

Don’t touch other people without permision. Don’t Touch Other People Without Permission. DON’T TOUCH OTHER PEOPLE WITHOUT PERMISSION!

“ If you don’t succeed in business, you shouldn’t be the first one to step up and complain about getting paid.”

It may seem silly to you, but it gives him the all-day confidence that he needs and deserves.

Oh I wouldn’t say that...

Arming teachers really gets to me, too. I don’t want to be armed in my classroom, nor do I want my students carrying in my classroom. I want my campus to be safe. That means having enough security personnel to secure the area. But it also means we need to make major progress in gun control in this country.

I am going to throw myself into the sea. Who “should” have children then? WHAT ARE THE CRITERIA?!!?!? WHO MAKES A PERSON WORTHY OF PROCREATING!?!?!?!?!?

BECAUSE IT IS AN INSANE CONCEPT AND IT IS JUST SEEPED IN THIS OUTDATED AND UNETHICAL NOTION THAT THERE IS A HIERARCHY OF HUMAN WORTH.

This is insane, and it’s classist as fuck, and you obviously need to reevaluate the way you think about people and their rights. Like, seriously? Pay a fee? Only rich people should be allowed to procreate?!?!!?!? Pass a test? Only people of a certain type of intelligence should be allowed to procreate?!?!!? Or are you…