They took all my roads and shared them with everybody else.

I’m amazed a man can still grow a goatie at 107.

Federal prosecutors win cases and the data is there to prove it. They do not fuck around. Not fucking around is number 1 on their list of responsibilities. It is their mantra. When they offer a plea you maybe try to whittle it down to no jail time, take whatever you can get anyway, and say thank you.

Somebody has to go to jail, Becky.

blazing nuclear hot take comin’ through here: the hair is good

and

There is far worse hair out there

The “B” isn’t closed at the bottom. It has a b-hole. 

YouTube comments make Kinja comments look like The Iliad. 

Don’t worry Torch, do that voo(doo), that you do, so well.

Absolutely agreed. That’s why I bought this 3 months ago:

I mean obviously I’d expect them to hammer it into a circle before I paid them.

We’re certainly not calling it an “Emotional Control Unit”, or whatever the fuck the renamed the keyfob.

Probably to hold a cup.

Two Cup holders, it gets hot in there

Me: <frantically slapping the crosswalk button>

Jesus Christ, man. We’re not savages. We just like to push buttons.

This only works on elevators. True fact. 

I woke up this morning and wondered what car would do well in the Gambler 500. We have a winner. Who else wants to go?