I'm so weirded out by adult Disney obsessives

EW. This dating site is also bound to be weirder than ANY dating site before it.

Fuck TLC, I hope that no one watches this show, or that advertisers refuse to pay for ads for it, but most of all I hope that some corporate fuck pulls their head out of their ass long enough to realize they could generate some good PR by providing the victims with enough money to cover the therapy they deserve.

Losing Millihelen is the Deepest Cut of all.

Um hello, he was on The Hills.

I hate engagement photos. HATE THEM.

My bridal fitness routine was to just not GAF. I was a size 26W when I got married. Since then I’ve lost 100 lbs and 10 clothing sizes (but that is neither here nor there). But if I were to get married today my bridal fitness plan would still be to give zero fucks. There is way too much pressure to be your best you.…

There’s literally nothing you can do about it now. None of it matters anyway. Just be glad it’s over. Weddings are expensive, stressful bullshit, and no one’s ever goes exactly like they wanted it to. Sorry yours was so crappy. *Hugs*

I would like to refute the blatant lies of the Liberal Media and state for the record that I am still in the race for the Speakership.

I would like to re-interate my dedication my partner of 7 months, WombWithARepublicanInIt, and that fighting polish and I have not had an affair.

<3 u

Thank you fighting polish. I will endeavor to represent my constituency and ensure our 2nd Amendment Rights continue for all gestating fetuses everywhere.

This just in, A Gestating Fetus has withdrawn his candidacy for the speakership, issuing a statement saying “I may only have the rudimentary beginnings of a brain, spinal column, and eyes, but even I can see that this job is fucking toxic. Thanks but no thanks, go find yourself some other sucker zygote.”

Congratulations to new House Speaker An AK-47

Congratulations to new House Speaker The Exhumed Corpse of Ronald Reagan

Congratulations to new House Speaker A Hardcover Edition of Atlas Shrugged

I don’t see why they don’t just ask Kim Davis to use her Jesus magic to bring Ronald Reagan back from the dead.

He's got the placenta vote. We're fucked.

Excuse me: the new House Speaker is clearly A Gestating Fetus With A Gun