Conisbee had quit the hotel after being reamed out by his supervisor in front of customers

What absolutely miserable human beings these people reporting her must be

Detroit, because they are probably the largest city without a professional football team.

If this is true, then sign me up!

If you don’t like Deadspin, sign up your enemies.

Tim Tebow was on First Take Friday morning to talk with Stephen A. Smith and Max Kellerman

“Or they just like the idea of ordering groceries from their pajamas”

Plays fall apart; the line cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the field,
The opposing rush is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity and stolen crab legs

“No one will think you’re cheap unless you steal all the soap out of the bathroom.”

I feel so seen. 

Y'know, I thought I had mono once for an entire year. Turns out I was just really bored.

Indie shows are the best for crowd interaction. I was at a Beyond Wrestling show recently, and the amount of interplay between the crowd and the wrestlers was super fun. There weren’t even any sorts of barricades, either (it was in a bar), so we were able to walk right up to the ring and slam our hands on the mat. Not…

I’m not sure I’d want to see Intergluteal Cleft opening for anyone.

And I looked back and saw only one set of footprints in the sand, and I asked God, “Why, when I needed you most, why did you abandon me?” God replied, “No, Antonio, it was then that I carried you. Because you cryogenically froze your fucking feet. This was one month ago! How do you not remember this?”

HOLY HELL I’M ACTUALLY IN THE ARTICLE

“Dolphins head coach Brian Flores declared on Friday, ‘I have a good team.’”

Tanking is like taking a Greyhound bus cross-country. Sure, it may eventually get you to the Gawker offices where you want to go, but it’s got a busted toilet with a bathroom door that won’t stay closed messy and unpleasant and uncomfortable, there’s a one-eyed sailor named Georgio who cleans his toenails with a…

Having never been touched like that by a woman before, it was all he could do to prematurely eject her.

“releasing Antonio Brown” is my new “dropping the kids off at the pool.”

“Every story deserves a happy ending.”

USA Network, of course