“The queen, the Vatican, the Rothchilds, the Gettys and Colonel Sanders before he went tits up”

notoriously level-headed teammate Vontaze Burfict.

“What will Antonio do next? Will Chucky’s head explode in a fine red mist? Will Carr sob uncontrollably to ‘leave Britney alone’? Who IS Mark Davis’ barber? All this and more, on the next episode of ‘Hard Knocks Of Our Lives’...”

There’s a not-dirty explanation too, you know. It could just be the new defensive end that the Bears drafted from the University of Illinois Springfield was relieved that while the defense was on the field none of his teammates tried to eat his favorite candy bar.

Ugh. Thanks for the reminder.

I absolutely loved Raysism. Deadsping HOFamer for sure. I’d like to see Deadspin do a “Let’s Remember Some Guys - Commenter Edition”. I’ll stick to football and remember Mark Kelso’s Migraine. 

Yeah, but how far did he punt the football?

I don’t know, I think they’re a pretty goddamn good joke! Always good for a laugh!

The Raiders Have No Idea What To Do With Antonio Brown

Remember when people tried to blame Big Ben and Tomlin when the AB situation turned toxic in Pittsburgh?

My office had a catered lunch and there were like 5 quesadillas left over that I took home. My roommate works/sleeps opposite hours because of his job, so we often communicate with a whiteboard in our kitchen. I left this for him:

We were fed by a drug rep at lunch.
In the fridge there is still quite a bunch.
There was…

There’s tanking, and then there’s what the Miami Dolphins are doing this year. I say this as a Buffalo Sabres fan, so I know what tanking looks like.

The Biggest Flex Anyone Will Ever Have Is Dying.

Asheville Mall fight: Lawyer says defendant has PTSD, felt threatened by ‘pack of youth’

I don’t think I’ll ever remember that the Chargers moved to LA. In a decade, I’ll see LAC on the ticker at the bottom of the screen and still think that the Clippers are playing the Broncos for some reason.

65% of Charger fans have at one point lived in Philip Rivers’ ballsack.

If the Chargers can’t put a decent football team around him, then damnit, Philip Rivers is gonna make one.

“Hey everybody! This cookie is free if you steal it!”

Just okay lol Get out of here edge lord, the starbucks hipster cafe is that way.