"(Let's Do it On My) Twin Bed" really spoke to me.

Wait, why are we supposed to marry people we can't count on to act responsibly ?

MARIA BAMFORD YES HOLY SHIT.

Maria Bamford! All day, every day, funniest person I can think of, Maria Bamford:

"If you've struggled with obesity through most of your teen years, then maybe surgical intervention is a good idea for you."

" (Also, on behalf of frumpy Americans everywhere, I have to say: MY CULTURE IS NOT A COSTUME.)"

Alec Baldwin is less sad if you imagine Jack Donaghy saying the things that come out of his mouth.

"I won't be in tomorrow, Lemon, I'm being subpoenaed by the Gay Department of Justice."

i will hide behind lower case letters and tell you - i hated rent. hated. walked out at intermission. i wanted the one guy to return his mom's calls and everyone to get a job. i was afraid i would turn into a republican if i stayed til the end.

Are we taking bets on whether or not the victim is a direct parody of Lindy?

If they can work in a reference to the candy corn Oreo fiasco, I will give exactly two tips of the hat to L&O's writers.

I can see how SVU might venture into exploitative or trivializing territory, but I think it's a better vehicle for awareness than other TV shows that only touch on these topics.

READER'S DISCRETION ADVISED

They've actually fucking done studies that show that people who swear a lot tend to be more honest decent people than those who are fucking uppity snotfucks about swearing.

YOU WILL PRY THEM OUT OF MY COLD DEAD HANDS. Turned shark week into shark day, no cramps, no headaches, and no babies. And now them sweet bitches is free.

"Sexual orientation has nothing to do with choice. We found evidence for two sets [of genes] that affect whether a man is gay or straight."

Homophobic people can fuck off whether or not or not being gay is a choice.

Every country has sent its correspondents, he says, "except the Spanish, God bless them."

Many of them are using pseudonyms to avoid backlash.

This is a Colbert precious gem that sums it all up:

The one who is hotter in real life is clearly Rob James-Collier.