I don’t know, Lindsey Graham gives him a run for his money in the straight stand-up comedy department.

They're both married to black people so it's ok.

Nah, we’re just on to the white states.

Considering how scripted and risk-averse Clinton is, I’m surprised her aides approved this...someone is getting fired.

To paraphrase the Holocaust “survivor” Eli Weisel, author of the iconic memoir “Night,” in his response to a woman who expressed her guilt at feeling sad and depressed over trivial things, as her suffering could never match Weisel’s, he essentially told her this...”we all have our own pain, which fills us to the brim.…

I care because I think about all the bad sex those poor girls must be having. There’s simply no way a 40 year old guy who only dates women under 25 is any good in bed.

you just ruined my day :(

well, my work is done.

Well yeah, for any of his swimmers that made it, but also, what about, oh, you know, all the other dudes any of his women have slept with and possibly gotten impregnated by? Like, is there a blood test for that when you start dating so you know if the young virgin by your side is in fact, a virgin and free of past…

It’s like, you’re in his head man. Or, like, he’s in your head!

Yeah, whenever a guy says this, I mental append “to his knowledge”. The guy doesn’t always find out about the abortion.

“Such an interesting question! And nuanced-I mean....what does “abortion” even mean? Probably a lot of things to a lot of people. Like the word “marry” did you know it can mean happy OR to legally bind yourself to several different women? Also....Did you ever hear about my first hotel, beautiful, spectacular, a…

I’ve always liked this pic of baby Donald with his mum. Sweet.

How could he possibly know that?

Oddly enough, I’m a Bears fan. I just like the name!

To be fair, is your wife against the name or conceding your child to a life of mediocrity by naming them after a Jet?

Congratulations on your imminent newborn and divorce!

For 10+ years, I’ve been stating that my first born will be named D’Brickashaw. With that child due literally any day now, my wife is very much against it. But this timing is so perfect. Now she has to concede.

That seems like too high of a number. I’m just gonna bust out my abacus here.