I thought Dubya was the worst president of my lifetime, and right now, staring down the barrel of President Trump or President Cruz, I'm actually starting to miss him a little....

I couldn’t believe that when I read that.

Ted Cruz: Duck Hunt is, at least, phonetically accurate.

I was thinking the fact that he had sex in undergrad was the outrageous sex rumor.

Panton told Jezebel in an emailed statement. “Ted and I had many mutual friends who would usually stop by to watch movies, play video games, or even engage in long, fun discussions about politics, philosophy, and life.”

If you'll remember our recent history with receivers, I'll take a diva Marshall as long as he puts up another 1500 yard season.

If you’re not guilty, why are you hiring private investigators to show up to a reporter’s parents house? I dont have any moral outrage against manning for taking hgh, but goddamn if you're gonna sit on your high horse and claim its a conspiracy, don't be intimidating witnesses

I read it in like a 1940s, mid-Atlantic dialect. It was quite compelling.

Leave Sly and the family alone.

I read that entirely in a bad Chicago Italian accent. I think.

What do you mean, toots? He thinks you broads are swell. Gonna have to turn you over and teach you a lesson when you get cheeky though. It’s the only way you’ll learn.

I was once in the window seat of a row of three. There was a gentleman in the aisle seat. As the boarding process ended, it became clear that the middle seat was to remain blissfully empty and I felt immediate relief, until the gentleman picked himself up, scooted over, and started to lower his ass into the vacant…

Luckily, Olsen’s wife will never see this.

A deeply mediocre team quarterbacked by Nick Foles isn’t exactly a big draw for the citizens of Los Angeles

My mom likes to tell the story about how great her second delivery (my sister) was. Because she was completely stoned. My delivery was a 36-hour nightmare, so as soon as she starting going into labor with my sister, she smoked two joints and THEN went to the hospital. She had no other drugs, no epidurals or anything,…

At what point are we called what they consider us - potential breeding stock?

Also: my son was conceived amid the height of holiday party season. I drank a lot during his first month of nascence. When I found out I was pregnant I called my doctor and started sobbing and she was like “This is literally the most common response I get from pregnant women after the initial surprise or happiness has…

But you cannot deny that Inception had a top ending...

I expect we’ll hear an apology from him tomorrow. It’ll be Tuesdays with sorry.