Fuck those places that give switch between sweet potato and carrot so you never know what you're going to get. You monsters are the reason I have trust issues.

WISHING YOU MANY YEARS OF HAPPINESS

Because it is also cut flat and semi-circular and the same orange-y color as the rightfully high-ranking sweet potato, it took me a while to realize that Kobacha squash is the goddamn knockout king of the tempura ring... and beyond. It’s blown me away in Japanese-influenced desserts (a perfectly dense pudding with a…

Oh, honey, you only THINK you know passive-aggressive.

And if you’re a black woman who tries this- wait, how did you get hired here again?

From my admittedly very limited sexual history with women, I can tell you that braiding hair seemed to work like fucking gangbusters for me. Oh, and making grilled cheese. That’s the advice I’d give to people who wanted to get with a straight girl.

I can’t drive a car, ride a bicycle, balance a checkbook, do laundry, play sports, be a man of the world, extract secrets from prisoners, or be an alpha in today’s world. But I damn know how to tie a tie. Learned at 16.

I swear to Dad, I am so over being everybody’s object.

corrects people who refer to him being responsible for his own children as “babysitting.”

You need new science. Eggplant is best pony.

33. Ability to summon gibbering insane, howling maws of twisted flesh from the non-Euclidean abyss beyond our plane.

Thank you!! :) Here is the tattoo:

Today I bought shorts for the first time since 8th grade. This would not be a big deal to some people, but for this forever pale and chubby girl it was a huge step towards accepting myself. I’ve been working hard to take care of myself and I’m feeling healthier and more confident than I have in awhile. Team shorts! (I…

Yooooo if they’re going to bring back retro drinks I want these back:

I bought my very first swimsuit today. It’s a swimdress with a cute bow right between the boobie area. Hides the belly fat and looks cute!

You could tempura a dirty flip flop and I would probably eat it, but if we’re just sticking with tempura veggies, cauliflower is pretty fucking awesome.

A couple of weeks ago I came here to talk about my cat who was dying of cancer. He died in my arms this morning at the vet. My heart is broken. Here is his picture, I hope. I’ve never tried to upload a picture. Anyway, his name was Fresca, he was almost 16, and I loved him so much.

This picture describes my dating life right now.

Ugh.... every time I read one of these stories I feel bad for all the childish entitled man-chidlren running around the world who thinks this is how things are supposed to go. I’m not perfect as a man (far from it) but I’m trying, because I was raised by a smart and kind father who guided me through all of my teenage…

“I can totally use your emotional pain to put my dick in you!” - Sociopaths.