That I was too upset over the breakup of NSync to go to my brother's graduation. I really just wanted to get high and go roller skating instead.

This falls more into the most absurd lie I've ever gotten away with. And because it would absolutely dox me should it be read by much of my family, anyone I went to college with as well as their family and friends, I've created a burner account for this tale.

Obama be like: "I ain't even mad. That wine was good."

I won EIGHT DOLLARS in that Powerball drawing, which I invested in a very delicious beer. Try to contain your jealousy.

My favorite fashion purchase in 2014.

Aw, this is fabulous! I hope she gets herself something nice too, because honestly—was she chosen as a POSTER CHILD for cliche, shitty jobs? Like, she works at McDonalds: ok. She works at Walmart: ok.

BUT BOTH?

Girl. You deserve every cent of that. Every GD cent.

What a baller thing to admit. Zero fucks given.

There will never be a post about notorious RBG where this picture is not appropriate.

That 31 year old colleague sounds like they are more emotionally and socially liberated than you.

Well, that's just like, your opinion, man.

Giraffes don't eat meat so I feel like there's an argument to be made there

But but but...

This is how I feel about this article.

Rebuttal: as stated already, lactose intolerance prevalence differs based on ethnicity. Using Asians or Africans to dictate the diets of Northern Europeans (who are largely NOT lactose intolerant) ignores the diversity of human evolution and cultural development. Natural selection shaming, Jezebel? Do you know no…

I feel like there are real stories that could be covered here like Planned Parenthood trying to increase abortion access in Louisiana. Beverage shaming is not necessary.

WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE? I need them in my life. BTW I'm pregnant.

Wow, this list.... I just... I wish it had a physical manifestation so I could gun it down in the street during a Heat-esque daytime machine gun rampage. This list is essentially the exact opposite of my tastes. If we wanted to go out to get pizza we will be getting two pies because even getting the things you like on…

I'll take this as your apology for vagina yogurt.