That is actually my favorite macramé technique.

NO. NOT THIS TIME. I'M RECLAIMING BUTT IMPALINGS.

I am such a bad person. When I read just those three words, I almost thought this was going to be one of those weird "Shrayber Sex Stories" Mark has become famous for.

"Up until two years ago, I, myself, had never had the privilege of attending any wedding with a theme other than "whoops, she's pregnant" or "might as well."" You Deserve all The Kudos just for this sentence alone.

So what you're saying is ...

Once I was pretty high and decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich, and forgot to take the wax paper out from between the two slices of cheese that I used. I realized it about a third of the way in but didn't want my sandwich to go to waste so ate the rest of it. The texture kind of works in a grilled cheese, at…

Quelle roughage!

Fish in pastry would be 'en croute' not 'en papillote'. What a moron!

Had to put this here.

Why can't this spread across the internet like wildfire? Good job, Mormon fella.

My son has high functioning autism. I heard him say this recently, to a friend, over Xbox Live-

During my second year in grad school, my mom came to visit over Thanksgiving. She was cooking a turkey for us, my roommate, and a couple of friends in a disposable aluminum pan. When she tried to pull the turkey out of the oven, the pan buckled, and grease fell into the oven. The oven burst into flames inside! My…

Meanwhile, the cat is heartily congratulating himself on a job well done. Bad dog, indeed.

I think you underestimate how jealous the dog was of all the attention its owner(s) gave that laptop. I'm sure the dog thought, "Kill it with FIRE"

Dustin Diamond is the male Farrah Abraham.

He also did Cat vs. Printer!