There's a prick like that in every workplace, skiving off, letting the other guy do all the work while they dick around. And yes, it's usually me.

I guess when she's running around, people just see the pointy ears and tail sticking up.

He's got a surprisingly extensive repertoire. Go roofer guy, go!

happiness is a warm large cat.

This summer was total crap for me. So much so that I have revised my previous goals for fall 2014 to the following three items;

Jesus, I clearly know nothing about cats. Pls watch this instead:

In related-ish news, there was a page on Facebook entitled "Men & Women Against Infidelity/ "WarMachine" Supporters." It had barely over 100 likes when I reported it.
Initially I got an email from Facebook stating that they would not remove this page because it didn't violate their community standards, but apparently…

Bridges: What the hell, man? I had to go to three cash machines, but I got the thousand dollars!

RIGHT? COMEDY GOLD, PEOPLE. OR MAYBE MORE LIKE COMEDY ZINC. COMEDY ZINC, PEOPLE.

The most disappointing thing about this article was the lack of clues about the Yellow King.

Is that like Sierra Mist? Is it good?

I would never mix breast milk and Sprite. Mountain Dew is the only soda that goes with breast milk. Everybody knows that.

I just took your advice and went on a nice long walk because I was starting to get overwhelmed with my feelings. It was so calming. My neighborhood is pretty, fortunately, so that helped, and I felt like I was doing something with a purpose, even if that purpose is as small as getting from Point A to Point B. I think…

Oh that's the grossest. "You look like you're 15. No really, that's a good thing. You'll appreciate it when you're 40." So, it's good to look like I'm below the age of consent? Ewwww.

Also I really don't look that young so the people saying this aren't just making observations, they actually think that is…

Could be worse . . . I went with my mom to visit her aunt (my grandma's sister, who is in her 80s). She had a picture of her now dead husband out and she was reading 50 Shades of Gray. She told us that this was the third time she had read it and it was a love story. TMI!!!! TMI!!!! I guess I know what her and my…

Oh god. So my roommate has her boyfriend over and his friend, they're heading out and are all chatting in the living room (my friend has run to the store). They don't know I'm here. And they are talking about 50 Shades of Grey. It is the funniest conversation in the world.