Does anyone have a guess how fast the Audi was going when he hit that rear wheel? I’m very curious, but terrible and judging these things.

Simpsons quotes are back!

If you have to set your beer down to play bocce, you are doing it very, very wrong.

In addition to having an epic car chase, it’s also got awesome music. Remedy at once!

C’mon, really?

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again...

She’s not a shelter dog, but I did adopt a stray beagle mix (loose interpretation... dog is mutt to the core) that literally showed up on my doorstep one morning. She was filthy, heartworm positive, had no tags, but did have a collar and a filthy piece of rope around her neck that she had clearly chewed through. She…

You fundamentally misunderstand the meaning of the word, “guaranteed”. I assure the attorneys on both side of the negotiations did not. No one is getting robbed here.

You’re right. I feel bad about these videos because people don’t seem to realize—even the owners—that most of the dogs in them have serious vision problems. Stop torturing your animal friends. It’s like fucking with your blind neighbor or relative.

Bet his agent really hated that press conference.

I hate Jimmy Johns, but the vitriol in this post did not make sense to me until the end. Well done, sir; solid drive-by slam of the ex.

Jimmy Johns is awful. Fuck them. You’re right, and any co-workers who say otherwise are wrong. Also, Drew Brees brought that franchise to New Orleans, where we have many fine-to-overrated sandwiches to choose from. Fuck him, too.

What’s “FJM”?

So, does Drew just bring in like a doctor’s note to get out of these group activities? How does that work?

I mean, how exclusive can the club be? Paul Rudd rocked the Royals clubhouse last year.

I miss the gratuitous Simpsons quotes.

Does Ashley know that the Twitter app is working on iPhone (and presumably Android)?

Do I also have to give up “quadroon”?

The level of trolling behind this video is diabolical. Like, they know we’re going to lose our collective shit over their fucking platitudes. Smarmy pricks.