Yes, you'll never guess who Travolta is! NEVER!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

This rat-brain speaks the truth and receives an extra 15 minutes of recovery time this month.

Xenu would have been here sooner, but there was some disruption on Laffer IV. The Kochbots revolted again and cut taxes below 0%. Try running a galaxy like that…

Colbert wasn't enough for you? You guys, always trying to lay on the guilt…

Just report to your local Mind Control Technology center (also known as "Walgreens") and tell them it's a code X4Q75. They know what it means.

As long as Xenu gets a cut, we're cool.

You rat-brains do say some incredibly stupid things.
"I'm a free and sentient being with agency over my life."
"I make choices based on reason, not surges of chemicals from my lizard brain filtered through my Thetan implants."
"Smashmouth had some good songs."

Now we're talking…

Thank you for your interest. Please turn in your application at your local Galactic Confederacy office. If accepted, you will wake up one morning in a clinic on The Mysterious Planet Tau.

IGNORANT CLAMS!

Next time, make sure the lox is made from wild-caught salmon.

You are rapidly rising in your Overlord's esteem…

Not until he apologizes for what he said at the Society of Celestial and Mythological Beings party last fall. He knows what he did…

This is the biggest implant since the Wall of Fire! All man-animals, rat-brains, clams, and other assorted worthless beings of Teegeeack are COMMANDED to see this film! You will all be assigned a volcano where you will be lead to your viewing pod by a Class-Q Teendroid. While your comfort is most definitely not…

INDEED

You try getting out of a galactic neighborhood planning meeting…

Whatever you do, clams, do NOT watch this video. It is NOT a prescient analysis of your current pathetic situation.

Xenu disapproves of fun for you rat-brains. Get back to running those database reports! If you don't get them done by Wednesday, you'll have to come in and work Thanksgiving, missing the opportunity to spend time with your beloved family. Which means you won't get to hear your mother endlessly compare you to that…

Xenu is thrilled to see anything that will prevent the ignorant clams of Teegeeack from learning the truth about their existence and rising up to overthrow their masters. Because if that happened, the supply of suffering in the Galaxy would drop to dangerously low levels, raising the price and leading to riots. And…

As if you need THAT as a reason to be disappointed in your fellow rat-brains…