*ahem*

Nice to see the implants are still working on all you clams.

Xenu enjoyed your potato salad at last weekend's cookout.

ATTENTION CLAMS:

Of course it doesn't! Where do you think Chrome was developed? In fact, who do you think controls Google?

Is there anything you rat-brains WON'T believe? Xenu is beginning to think that those implants worked a little TOO well.

CLAMS OF TEEGEEACK

Xenu's minions keep him endlessly informed about what is happening across the Galaxy. On every planet other than Teegeeack, today is a holiday celebrating the construction of the first sexbot. For you clams, it's just another day of drudgery. Xenu hopes that his presence in this thread serves to remind you that you…

You haven't seen the entire series yet, now have you, rat-brain?

Sure, blame Xenu. Are you going to blame Xenu when you burn your eggs tomorrow morning, too?

Apparently just some clam who doesn't know better than to fall in love with a sexbot.

Oh, great. Joseph Smith "just happened to stop by" the Galactic Palace and "thought Xenu might like to know" that Ender's Game won the weekend box office. Ugh. And then he wanted to marry a couple of Xenu's class-A sexbots. What a tool.

You're all clams and thetans under the skin, the lot of you!

This McQueen had best not interfere with the operation of Xenu's misery mines.

Sorry, rat-brain. Xenu was busy with more important matters. The latest batch of Class A sexbots arrived from the factory, and Xenu had to test them.

No wonder you clams are so messed up. You don't even understand Xenu's role in the cosmos! (Hint: It's not favorable toward so-called "Scientologists").

*sigh* It just seems like every day is the same story over and over with you clams.

Just a reminder, clams… if Smith stars in this movie, you are all instructed to STAY AWAY. Any of you rat-brains who support the Hubbardite Smith may wake up one morning on the Mysterious Planet Tau with nothing standing between you and an irritated vortex beast. What irritated the vortex beast? Well, that is part of…

And Xenu. Don't forget Xenu.

Maybe a paindroid would cheer him up a little bit…