When Manhattan, KS got its first Pizza Ranch a couple of years ago, it became the symbol of chain-food mockery for my family. We take turns picking out the evening’s restaurant once a week and almost every time, someone says with seriousness, “I choose Pizza Ranch” to the hilarity of the others. We are hayseeds,…

Yeah but did that diet coke keep you awake for an extra couple of hours a day for all those years to spend with your loved one?  

Authorities just released a photo of the two guys William H. Macy met with to start this process:

Your brain accepts and believes everything it hears, including the things you tell it. It does not have a filter. It is credulous and it is gullible, but it is also trying to make sense of the universe for you, and it is resistant to being changed. “Trying to fool yourself” does not apply here.

I too am a billionaire if you estimate the value of my brand at $4 billion. Please don’t make me own the Bills.

I love this season of True Detective, but let’s be real. Every episode is like:

Get past PA as fast as possible, aren’t you in NC? Are there even cities there?

Prentzels are terrific.

Yes on all counts. The baby is now 2 1/2 and demands “prentzels”

My wife and I are having our first in a couple months. Anytime someone says anything close to “do you think you’re ready”, I tell them that we have a dog, so we have a pretty good idea of what we’re doing. Literally as I was typing this, my uncle just asked me if I was prepared to change diapers. Told him that we’re…

We went to a class for our first one, and they went around the room asking each couple about their birth plan. Most of them were “We’re going to try to go natural” with a few “We’re using a midwife in home and going natural”.

You think Don Cherry would wear something that has only two colours and no patterns?

Jesus gon’ git ya now

Welfare = bad; because people need to be encouraged to work

For your enjoyment:

Fucking A-yuh, this needs more stars

“hey there Goggle, find a recipe for pie, a-yuh”

... You pick your own zebra bones? Fuckin’ pleb.

If everyone bought the car they needed, we’d all be driving Honda Fits. 

If he’s such a great prognosticator, then why didn’t he open the broadcast with, “Everybody should just go to bed right now, because in a few hours you will all want to kill yourselves.”