Cheer up. You probably always make the short list.

Try Google.

She had black heritage, proudly accepted it and talked about it (though I admit I didn’t know about it, not that I knew much about her), embraced it without trying to pass for black or claiming to be ‘black’.

“It fell off a truck.”

He said the quiet part loud there. 

Which is exactly why you may want to fly home with a sample or two of those beers. 

There are plenty of good beers anywhere I’m likely to fly to.

I still find calling people from Indiana “Hoosier” to be a little strange. Growing up around the STL area “Hoosier” means trashy/redneck.

Nah, you mad

If you think that’s bad, wait until you see the leaked footage from the hyperloop demo.

I went to a Catholic high school where a classmate died by suicide. One of the priests actually mentioned that because of the immense strain that occurs to someone considering suicide, that the church doesn’t consider them to be thinking clearly and thus it isn’t held against them on god’s big ol tally sheet.
It was a…

I’m at work while reading this and despite that I was holding my dick during the last paragraph.

*reads just the headline* Ah, so literally any hockey player with a Hockey Dad! Lol.

Is it me, or has there been a drastic decrease of Swatting calls after this one happened?  After the kid was arrested, and it was clear he was going to face serious prison time?

Taking offense at being a millennial is the most millennial thing you can do!

Candy

While I’m sure you feel like quite a badass when you just walk on by, by agreeing to the terms of the membership you do in fact have to let them check your receipt.  I imagine that functionally they’re unlikely to cancel your membership because you strolled on by, but they could.

Actually, they *do* have a right to make you stop and hand over your receipt. It’s part of the terms you agree to with your Costco membership. Non-membership stores (like Target/Walmart/etc) don’t and you’re free to walk right past and ignore them, but that isn’t the case for stores where you’ve agreed to membership…

I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to guess that you’re white.

“own the libs”