A quote? I assume your monumental thirst has rendered you mute, requiring an intermediary to speak for you?

I'm surprised you're capable of laughter, what with your extreme levels of thirst rendering your throat dry as cracked parchment.

Just because you're willing to bend over and take it....

Your feigned lack of interest betrays your Kardashian-level thirst.

Of all the myriad reasons to hate the Cardinals, "because Deadspin said so" doesn't even rank.

I don’t know what you don’t get. I have an opinion, and some other people have different opinions. What are you looking for, exactly?

You claim the game takes itself seriously, and then you lament all the siutations in which it didn’t take itself seriously as “breaking the tone.” No, that was the tone. If you thought a game with a Twilight Zone spoof, a zombie battle on a rock & roll stage complete with metal soundtrack and pyrotechnics, and a…

If you love your friends and relatives, the worst thing you can ever do to them is ask them to be part of your wedding. Don’t drag everyone else into your self-inflicted hell.

Probably fewer than find themselves living quiet lives of regret and desperation because they married or had kids simply because they thought there were "supposed to."

I'm 32, and having been part of 3 different weddings in the past few years I think I can say, confidently and definitively, that weddings are fucking stupid.

As someone with a deep and abiding love for both beer and vaginas, I'd probably give it a shot.

Standing to wipe is like pulling your pants all the way down to pee: it's cool until you're about 5 years old, but after that it's time to grow up.

Which just makes them that much dumber.

7 was around for years before the spin-offs started. This game isn't even out and there's already multiple spin-offs.

I don't know what late shipments have to do with the best user experience, but okay.

What? There are over 30 titles that support the Vive. That's at least comparable to the Rift.

I don't think the people who are skipping dialogue in Halo are the target audience for Quantum Break.

Where in the hell did you get the idea that Alan Wake took itself seriously? It was basically a Twin Peaks video game.

No way. In what universe does a shuttlecock count as a "ball?"

Man, what I wouldn't give for a modern reboot of Freedom Fighters.