Swear to God this is a true story:

Unauthorized immigrants who want to regularize their status in this country cannot just “get in line.” There are lines, but a large number of aspiring immigrants are not eligible to be in any of them. Even if a prospective immigrant does meet the formal requirements to immigrate, the wait can be very long if she or…

Pelosi,  Schumer,  Cuomo, they all must go.  

Beatboxers? I thought you said Meatboxers. I need a ride back to Philly.

Old anecdotes are better than none I suppose.

the most disastrous presidency of all time.

Stinging hemorrhoids will do that too.

I know I get hangry when I haven’t eaten breakfast.

More like diabetes salad.

The truth is always somewhere in the middle.  

I assume this voids the manufacturers warranty?

1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, seconds

Nope.

Someone needs a hug...

WTF?  I just can’t.....Huh?  

That’s not a fist fight, Clark.

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their faces with plastic surgery.

Stupidity and NFL Talent are not mutually exclusive for LeSean. What an idiot.   That poor woman was beaten.  And his team too doesn’t need this shit.  

“But I’m a Cheerleader” only more serious.

True to form, Zarutskie told Buzzfeed that she is “very, very blessed and fortunate” not to have lost her hand.