Learn what PARALLEL LINES are. And if you aren’t sure, please take all of five seconds, see the parking job you did and, if it’s not parallel, readjust your vehicle. It’s doesn’t take much, allows other cars to park more effectively, and reduces your Douchebag Quotient with the universe. It makes all the difference

Unfortunately, there won't be "money and action." There will, however, be "thoughts and prayers." Americans seem really good at that. 

Nah, you won’t get “money and action.” What you will get, though, are “thoughts and prayers.” Just like always.

I have an easy answer to the abortion issue happening in the US. American women: DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH ANY MAN. I’m talking with your longtime partner, your FWB, your potential one-night stand, and everyone in between. Deny every single man access to your body until this is reversed. Take back control of your…

And if all this was true/mattered, surely a court of appeal would grant her that opportunity, right? Look, Depp was/is a dipshit. But Amber was more/more wrong. That’s how this all works.

With all due respect, no. She didn’t tell the truth, she was also an abuser, and was found guilty in a court of law. This has NOTHING to do with Gamergate. It’s not that she’s imperfect. She did bad stuff and got caught.

Absolutely, a hands-off approach. Just like their approach with Lionhead, Press Play, MS Victoria, Carbonated, Ensemble... am I missing anything

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

You absolutely need the 2.4gh 8-bitdo wireless SNES controllers. Don’t need line of sight, and have ZERO lag.

No. In this case, you're wrong. The racial epithet started around 1880. The idiom started 200-400 years earlier. You're looking for a reason to be offended. No, I don't know you. But you should know how hard I'm rolling my eyes at you right now. 

Nintendo did not provide Kotaku with an early copy of the game for reviews. We’re experiencing it, and its press cycle, alongside the rest of you.

Umm, you realize I was praising Kotaku for not agreeing to bullshit, right? The site has an illustrious history of being blackballed by major corps because they refused to kowtow in many situations (especially under Crecente and Totilo). Most famously, they were blacklisted by Ubisoft and Bethesda. G/M has also pissed…

You mean... it was a SCAM?! All along?!?!?!

They declined to comment in writing either, and demanded we not mention the name of Longacre in the story.

You know what, though? That's fine. Nintendo did it with Metroid Prime 4; we're still waiting, but at least I have faith that when it does come out, it won't be a steaming pile. Good for Ubisoft for recognizing the Sunk Cost Fallacy. (and yes, I feel a little dirty about saying Good for Ubisoft) 

As an adult child of a parent with pancreatic cancer, I can tell you it’s REALLY crappy. We got the tumour tested to see if this immunotherapy would be viable, and $5,000 later, we learned the answer was no. It’s really a lottery. In the meantime, every extra day is bonus overtime.

Could this take have been dumber? No, no it couldn’t. You don’t get to appropriate everything for an agenda. She was a narcissistic liar, full stop. And based on the evidence - funny that! - she got nailed.

Grammar thing: The way you do this sentence is:

Am... am I supposed to feel bad for him? He has many millions of dollars, wasted a ton of money on a scam, got scammed himself, was making a show based on an IP he never really owned or conceived, and couldn't, you know, change the character to be legally distinct? Nope. No sorries felt. 

The problem with all of these solutions is that cars aren’t just transportation in America — they’re a symbol of personal freedom.