Like, the whole thing goes in both hands and you shove it into the mouth part and I'm suddenly realizing maybe everyone doesn't eat the way I do when I'm home alone.

I came back from the doctor and said I probably couldn't get pregnant without a lot of help - help I've decided I didn't want. He hugged me, said it was OK, and asked me to marry him. Right there, in the hallway, with a litter box not 2 feet away. I said no.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

AGREE. CLASSIC JIA OVERSHARE.

Cops killing with impunity is a feature of our criminal justice system, not a bug. This is what it was designed to do.

Today's announcement doesn't just leave me speechless. It truly makes me wonder how any person with dark skin can live in this country and trust that the systems and institutions that make it so great will work for them. Then you sum it up far too pointedly.

I must be the poorest and youngest of all you ...

Who else stopped reading at Gloria Allred?

Jia, Jia, Jia. Where is your COMPASSION? Where is your HUMANITY? This poor man executed an unarmed black teenager and then got off scot-free! I can only hope and pray you never have to experience the unspeakable tragedy of suffering a complete lack of consequences for murdering someone.

There's only one person in this mess whose life is over, and Darren Wilson shot him.

Wow this looks great! They even put one black person in the whole movie!

Also, there was already an awesome live-action Cinderella movie and it was called Ever After and no matter how delightfully insane this cast is EVER AFTER WILL ALWAYS BE FIRST IN MY HEART.

Cosmonaut fell from space. Everything else had burned up on reentry.

I can relate to Amy Schumer when she says that she's still in that mindset where the reaction to a friend saying she's pregnant is "what are you going to do?"

The fact that David Sedaris made fun of you, makes me want to run in your circle of friends.

Tig Notaro - Live is now on Spotify. Go listen to it. It is free. It is one of the best sets ever performed. Stop reading this comment and go listen to it. If you got this far, you fucked up. Seriously, why are you still reading this?

I will write a humblebrag on what went right for Oregon (and wrong) but a couple of things:

I think there's a real sense among millennials (and maybe young people forever, who knows) that their single vote doesn't matter. THIS IS IMPORTANT. It's not a reflection of their laziness. It's a real feeling and instead of writing it off as them sitting on their asses, we should be analyzing what contributes to…

Washington State passed one of the most stringent background check gun control measures in the country! Yay us!

I feel like a goddamn unicorn. I'm under 30 and I didn't just vote, I also researched all the candidates (even for the local school board) and for both ballot measures.