Thinking outside the box here...but what about Chris Pratt for Nick and Aziz Anzari for Gatsby? Who wouldn't sign up for that. Fred Savage directs.

Also: everyone is too old.

Wiki says St. Gregory III, from Syria. 731-741.

An extremely, ridiculously book-smart Catholic acquaintance of mine - a pediatrician and I think a current chief resident at a teaching hospital - posted this on Facebook last week as a link from the Washington Times. He said something along the lines of "How come no one is talking about this level of murder when…

Would have been better as a 12 part serial on HBO.

My bad dog. Will continue using two forms of birth control, as inspired by my misinformed fear of condom failure.

Outside of an inability to correctly interpret the terms of whatever study I read, you know, the whole need for two forms of birth control is pretty central to sex-ed classes, right? All birth control fails at some point, so you need two? I can't read for shit, but I got the basic concept

Eli Stone. God damn you, Jonny Lee Miller!

Oh my god the Pajamagram commercials on NPR. Why would you want to send someone Hoodie/Footie pajamas and why is the NPR audience your targeted demographic?!?

Considering that condoms fail about 10% of the time, an expansion of use to 11% seems right in line. A lack of access was probably keeping it artificially low.

My apologies. I blame Kinja.

My saracsm detector has been in and out of the shop, but I'm not seeing it.

James Lankford is my congressman. He is THE WORST. He'll die in that congressional seat. Oklahomans will elect him until the he's found in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.

Homeboy, the Murrah Building called and said that you should talk to Timothy McVeigh the next time you see him in Hell. Regardless of how you view us, Oklahomans are deeply acquainted with terrorists. Sally Kern is crazy, but we understand the phenomenon on a visceral level.

Thirty years ago, the Republicans knew how to drink. Now, they all look at you funny if you suggest a cocktail due to the possible political repercussions in their base.

The current incarnation of the Republican party is actually the American Hall Monitor Alumni Association. They're opposed to fun.

I occasionally volunteer for a food pantry in my city and the majority of their product is actually donated by Wal-Mart. Stale baked goods, past sell-by-date vegetables, etc. They don't publicize it, but I unload it and stock it.

Hannah Simone?

coughcoughHooverHigh?coughcough

The best thing about Thanksgiving is its location in the week. It's a front loaded holiday with three guaranteed days off following it. Extremely underrated Thanksgiving perk, especially when you're walking into the office at 7:30am the day after Christmas.