The entire state of New Jersey. It's particularly wonderful when you're driving from South Jersey to the Philly airport on a Friday and you need to fill up before you hit the state line. Waiting 15 minutes for a pump attendant to get off break is a great way to raise your blood pressure.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS FEAR. I JUST DON'T.

Got there at 7:05. The line stretched from the door of the church where I vote to the main street a block away. Got into the building 25 minutes later and realized that there were separate lines for the two precincts that vote in the church. My precinct had three people in line. Thirty minutes door to door. …

Martin van Buren is on line 1.

For this reason, always register at Bed Bath & Beyond. All items purchased off their registry can be returned for cash from the register. Brilliant.

Invest the 20-40K per kid per year you'd spend on private schools and give it to them when they turn 30. Same effect, and you didn't raise an entitled kid.

I proposed to my wife while wearing a beer can costume before a Halloween party. She was dressed as a ladybug. Our engagement dinner was Taco Cabana with three pitchers of margaritas, a large queso, and dozen tortillas four hours later. That's a rock solid foundation for a marriage built to last.

I knew a guy who campaigned for Jari Askins, Fallin's Democratic opponent in that race. Although everybody and their dog knew about the state trooper scandal, Askins wouldn't let anyone point that out, thinking that the race should be decided on the issues. This guy was so angry that no one would go for the cheap…

"So perhaps some can agree that all rapes that are reported are not actually rapes? Or are we gonna really deny that for PC sake?" - David Catanese

A John Daly is an Arnold Palmer but with sweet tea vodka instead of iced tea.

Plus the fact that it's dark and everybody's sleep deprived due to the midnight showing on a workday. Best tactical environment ever.

Holy shit, somebody actually cares about something! I think this thing is superfluous! MUST SNARK!

It's on the back of the cream of mushroom soup can.

vis a vis cauliflower and brussel sprouts - when in doubt, roast with olive oil, black pepper and sea salt.

Peas? There are people in this world who carry the banner for peas?

He's leaving the district court for the Court of Appeals, so get in there while he's still available.

Nobody should be judged by the accoustics of the SNL stage. It's like the black hole of despair up there. Florence can sing.

Key Girl Clean components:

The instant a dude realizes that he's going to do what he says he's going to do when he says he's going to do it is the day that he stops being a boy and becomes a man.