SMASHED PENIS IN BETWEEN TWO WHEELBARROWS

Except you’re not moving on. You’re going to be here every day shitting on leftist policy from your smug high horse from now until the heat death of the universe. 

And, as always with complaints like this, I would LOVE to see your boldly un-PC list.

Or is the problem more that you disapprove of a bunch of movies you haven’t seen? That couldn’t be it, could it?

“Geez, do you people ever watch movies to be entertained?”

Or maybe they don’t entertain some people? Namely the people who vote in these lists?

Who won best song about having a homosexual relationship with your father?

Don’t forget, he was also in the WrestleMania 2 battle royal. (The action starts around eight minutes in.)

The only country I heard that I liked this year was the new Wild Feathers album...and I’m not sure they are even country.

They DO wear the hats tho.

That Kacey Musgraves album is INCREDIBLE. Absolutely top-notch production and songwriting. I’ve been listening to all the (great) tunes in this article but hers was the one that gave me goosebumps.

You need to upgrade your hot take generator; it’s starting to output nothing but flat, derivative garbage.

“Boy, you and your dead husband sure did fuck a lot, huh? Anyways, here’s a Presidential Medal of Freedom.”

A sinkhole opens up at the production studio. As everyone plummets to their doom you can hear a unified cry, “Now that I’ve realized I have a stake in society I’ve realized my nihilism was really just petty and self-absorbtioooooooooooon...”

Nothing screams “keep politics out of sports” like whining to the president about your sports book.

They’re on top of the world and are in control of the whole game, but can’t stop playing the victim card and whining like pathetic losers about how much everyone is out to get them. It’s not only annoying, it’s completely counterproductive, as they’re going to wake up soon on the bottom of the world, with no one to…

New York’s election laws continue to be an absolutely disgrace, a national embarrassment of massive proportions and a festering wound on our democracy. And yet it is allowed to continue purely because it helps a single group; incumbents.

Asshole goes on asshole’s podcast to convince assholes he’s not an asshole, winds up looking like an asshole.

The Crapture.

Eau de humanity