The fact that it's endorsed by "paleo" people and Shailene Woodley confirm that it's goddamn horseshit.

One can only hope you do not pursue a career in jurisprudence.

What if it makes a third thing? Asking for a friend.

I can also wear my skinny jeans. They are a size 12 but you know, I put them on my legs and away I go!

Ru Paul, hands down.

Just like, butt-ier. Like, 20% more butt-like.

It could start to eat my face and I'd probably be like "awwww, who's a good puppy?! YOU ARE! Yes youuuu're a good puppy cub ouch that's my lip but that's ok awwwwcchhhllpphhrrggh"

So is boo still a thing? Is bae the new boo?

I have been waiting all day for you to post this since I saw your comment that it would be coming today.

Sometimes I bark in my apartment like this to set the neighbor's dog off when one of the neighbor's guests takes my one of my parking spots. Great fun.

SEVENTY-FOUR school shootings vs. one misdirected 911 call. I'm still on the side of gun control, thank you.

Is Florida even real? Or is it a Christopher Guest movie?

No. Nope. If I ever have to call 911 I need to believe everybody will come. Cops, EMS, firefighters, Oprah, and my mama. No to this. Take it back.

See, my experience with any doing physical activity commando, but especially in Spandex, is that, to borrow from Louis CK, there always feels to be about a quarter cup of water just sloshing around my ass. I'll take damp cotton over a free-flowing river of sweat.

This is the perfect article for this ad.

Wait, I thought Jesus wasn't cool with the whole babies out-of-wedlock thing?

"Lately, I've been getting too much attention with the Met Gala and work going so well that I try to find rejection in my day. I'll seek out someone on the street or at the farmers' market and ask for something where I know they'll say no. No one likes rejection, but it's real. And I don't want to lose that…

Few things in life are as simultaneously attractive and adorable as Stephen Amell posting photos of him and his daughter. Just... goddamn, sir.

... That reminds me of chibi anime. Hideous thing to get married in, but if I saw this in a cosplay contest, it'd be pretty admirable.

So you could say that all that footage of her was...