I think you mean "most people in controlling, emotionally or physically abusive relationships, could provide you with a list of things their spouse will not let them do".

"Vag With A Vendetta" is a good name for a band. Also, excellent stupid trollfuckery.

"I've... seen things you people wouldn't believe; pork chops on fire on the shoulder of Orion, the line chef. I've watched creme brûlée glitter in the dark at the Tannhauser Gate Bar and Grill. All those... moments... will be lost... in time, like... tears... in rain. Time to fry."

MANATEE! Eeeii! Hello manatee manateeface! Unexpected manatees in tweet beat are the best. In fact, more unexpected manatees everywhere please universe, kthanks.

SEE!? I know right? Their tiny-fuzzy-berserker, stone-age-weapon-wielding, bad-ass-bravery gets me in the feels EVERY TIME. Yub motherfucking nub, little dudes.

Taylor Swift is on the forest moon of Endor? WHAT the dick? Where's MY Ewok, dammit?

I don't understand what a "quicherobbery" is. In other news, apparently I am now ONE MILLION earth-years old?

I co-sign the crap out of every single bit of this. Here is a sympathetic pat for you.

Joan Rivers is a garbagey garbage human. And is cordially invited to suck my fat one.

I... I don't hate these. Angry, satirical, baked goods are good baked goods.

Me too! And I am a ladyperson!

"Tuna Noodle Casserole".

Yay! Excellent tiny-human building! (And last go-round, you might not have been able to breastfeed; but I bet your brand new person didn't go hungry, so that's not flunking at all! A+'s all round for you!)

Well, now I want that too! Make it so, Internets!

Look! Look at the righteous side-eye that this sheep is giving Kim. Sheep! Why so judgy?

I don't know who Joshua Malina is, but I like the cut of his jib. Also, I like boat idioms!

That's GENIUS. I'm going to go see if I can find some right now.

I read that BRAIN Dissolvent Express. And I wasn't even a little bit put off. A good polish remover would totally be worth a little bit of brain dissolving.

Smashbox primer. It's like a magical potion that makes my lousy-makeup-application look less sucktastical. It's one million dollars though. Anybody tried the cheap E.L.F version?

Ironically, Mel did put a gun to her head.