You may be too sensitive for life on earth. Pluto is still available.

Life IS PTSD. So, maybe stay at home, you.

Bro, do you even read? Like, do you read groups of letters that are known as words? Or, are you like, epic fail troll?

A nurse in every single school? From elementary to high school? Yes, that's a normal American thing.

I ate a whole baby when I got home

Zebra?

So...they just put a baby who will soon be four in the home of a guy who molested the baby's mom when she was.....four??????

I know right? Pink, are we the only ones who see the trauma?

“The baby, who was being raised by people who were not mentally disabled, and were not investigated by DCFS, will now get to be raised by a mentally disabled person, and a grandfather who was repeatedly investigated by DCFS, and who, news reports allege, is a child molester, and who, in fact is alleged to have…

Scar-casm.

Wait. So they just gave the guy who used to molest his daughter a....granddaughter he can molest? Hey, Gawker, this is a...triumph of the human spirit/feel good story, huh?

So lemme get this straight....the baby is now with a ‘mentally disabled’ woman and her parents who have ‘a history of investigations and interventions (by/with/from) DCF’ and so....yay, I guess? This is good news for the baby?

Um, it’s a real ordeal, happened to a dude named Hugh Glass in 1820. I think you’re overthinking this. Do you think Inarritu woke up one day and said “I’m gonna get Leo an Oscar no matter what”?

Why?

Wimp. Hugh Glass would eat you. Literally. Whole.

It's all true. Happened to a guy named Hugh Glass in 1820. He became superfamous. 200 years later, Hollywood said wow, we should exploit this public domain epic!!!

Nope it's owned by Roger Altman and David Pecker (swear to God thats his real name)

This is your god, huh? Excellent choice. You should do whatever she tells you. She's clearly infallible.

Yes! It’s like, “if this skeletonized wraith from the 1940s retires, how will I know what to wear???”

Can you use this same method to get Bill Clinton fired from shit? He straight up RAPES LADIES YALL