Back in the Before Times, there used to be these things called “editors”. Now, they weren’t just their to check spelling and grammar, but also tone, style, and even themes and content. They were a fresh set of eyes for the writers, who could bounce ideas of one another, and who could see if the text made sense to…

Bring on Mad Max: Darwin. They’ll have to tone the violence down a bit, but. Broken Jaw Capital of the world, and all that. 

Look, Miller just wanted an excuse to fang about in Aussie iron and crash shit and what more do you need?

If you follow Aus Twitter, it’s just loads of pasty, bearded fuckwits with FinTech jobs who’ve never been west of Parramatta or north of Hornsby cracking “HURRR, THIS ISN’T FICTION THIS IS ACTUALLY DOCUMENTARY FOOTAGE OF WESTERN QUEENSLAND” about the Furiosa, all the way down. 

The only “big” shows I’ve been to have been Ozzy Osbourne at the Brisbane Entertainment Centre, where most of us were seated, and Powderfinger at Tamworth Regional Entertainment Centre. Powderfinger was one of the finest concerts I’ve been too (and the venue is fantastic - and it’s owned by the local council).

Speaking of Orbital, and it’s juuuuust outside the 90s, The Beach had a damn awesome soundtrack.

Filter’s singer would later use his clout with the X-Files to get his older brother a job...

The Matrix, as well. Prime late-90s rock and techno - they got the damn Propellerheads “Spybreak! (Short One)” for the iconic hallway shootout, and Rob D’s “Clubbed to Death (Kurayamino Remix)” for the woman in red sequence, plus RATM’s “Wake Up” and Rob Zombie’s “Dragula”. 

Green Day’s “Brain Stew (Godzilla mix)”, Makes-Women’s-Faces Puffy Daddy’s “Come With Me” which sampled Zeppelin’s “Kashmir”, and, of course, the Foo Fighter’s...

If you ask me what the biggest threat our collective cultural output is - don’t worry, it’s not an ethnic group or anything like - it’s the tech companies curating our cultural output.

So what you’re saying is that Powell and Taylor-Joy need to hook up and pump out a normal-looking kid.

Charlize Theron playing someone with non-skin-coloured skin?

“I. Drink. Your. Chocolate. River. I DRINK IT UP!"

There was a sequel. It's called Charlie And The Great Glass Elevator. 

...does this process also involve child murder, or child endangerment?

I don’t. Florid prose is fine, but at the end of fucking day, it’s a review, and this tells us...nothing of the movie. Instead, it’s just some Canuck masturbating over the pages of a thesaurus, and the amount of questions he keeps putting in his review tells me that he cannot form a coherent thought around the movie…

In Gorber’s defence, it’s hard for him to see who’s in a movie, or what happens in it, with his head so far up his own arse.

See, now the “James Bond is just a codename” is a fan theory I can get behind - if only because it makes perfect sense that John Patrick Mason from The Rock is Connery’s Bond.

Or that one’s twin brother: Ferris is a figment of Cameron’s imagination, or some sort of 1980s Tyler Durden split personality, that allows him to stand up to his dad. 

I think the goal is to look like you’re making some sort of clever interpretation that others’ didn’t get. The “it was all a dream” is an easy way of doing that without having to engage with the actual plot or themes.