That’s what amyl nitrate’s for.

Nah, we do the woke the thing and recast the leader to be played by a woman - Powell’s fellow member of the Looming Forehead club, Eva Green:

Fuckin’ RIGHT? It’s up there with Mulder and Scully. 

Let’s not forget Hammond’s pursuit of a particularly cute intensive care nurse.

Hush! You’ll bring out the scores of MCU fans who insist that everything cinema is capable of portraying is already to be found within Marvel, so negating the need for any other films to be made!

Jurassic Park x Skechers - THAR’S MONEY IN THAT THAR PRODUCT PLACEMENT. 

Hey, not all of them are unmarried. 

There’s only one Paul Bettany movie spin-off show I want see.

Maybe see if your uncle who works for Nintendo can get his friend in the TV industry to make it.

That works. I’d also go with “poorly texture-mapped character from a Nintendo 64 game”.

“Mr. Oldman, on the night of 17 November, 1997, did you or did you not instigate the purge of your political opponents which came to be known as ‘The Week of Sorrows’?”

By the way, this is the Dowager Empress of Westralia’s “Approved” portrait, done by “a local artist” (no actual credit given to the artist):

He’s my favourite movie star with a size 10 head and a size 8 face.

On the plus side, I did get to see that title image of him, where he looks like bewildered ex-despot on trial at the Hague. 

He’s said plenty disparaging about the Nolan trilogy, it’s just that you could hear it over the foley and soundtrack. 

If you showed me that top screenshot and told the name of the film and said it was a fake film made up for a TV show, I’d believe you.

The trick is to do it enough that it breaks their spirit and self-confidence so much they never, ever scrunch up the courage to waddle off to a nest of venture capitalists and beg for money. 

My favourite was PC Gamer’s subheading for their review of Cyberpunk 2077:

If they were cars, Galactic Starcruiser would be a Maserati - cool and expensive, but most people aren’t getting them.