“IF”? More like “OOOF”, amirite?

It’s not so much the royal we as it is bog-standard-issue ragebaiting: it’s designed to drive engagement by making assumptions about your taste, saying something about you with zero evidence and so forcing you to dispute them.

Where does this fit into the canon?

Never forget that it predicted, pretty much, Jurassic World:

Stil one of the great reaction videos to keep around in your back pocket.

Like that time I was lauded for pulling that old lady out of her burning car, then the fucking CIU’s report came in and found out that it was my running the stop sign that caused her to crash!

Don’t make me silence you by eating a piece of Toblerone!

This is exactly what it is - guys who are desperate to come across as smart uber alles and forget the actual goddamn brief. That the review is merely an excuse for reader to witness their genius, not, y’know, give an actual fuckin’ review.

Gorber is exactly what you get when you get a Warhammer dork deciding he is now a movie critic.

OK, look, naming anyone who worked with Klaus Kinski that often is cheating. 

“The target’s name is Leroy Kinselman. This guy was responsible for over four hundred bootleg copies of Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing, and our boys in the tech lab believe he may have been the single biggest factor in the collapse and sale of Broderbund Software in 1998, as his pirate copies flooded the market,…

The bit where Bandit and Bingo are just hungover as shit and Bingo makes one of the kids get corn chips and sour cream from the kitchen while the watching the whale documentary...and Bandit says, in a smartarse husband/documentary voice “They can eat up to five bags a day!”

Haven’t you been following the plethora of Star Wars Prequels content they’ve been churning out?

They’d really have to up the fucking quality to get me to pay. So far, it’s nowhere near what I’d consider opening my wallet for. Not even in the same galaxy. And this...non-review...pushes it further away.

As the AVC premier greyed-out shitposter, it is indeed a silly system. I can see it being used to dissuade trolls - fair enough - but it would be simple enough to a) make it so once they’ve made X amount of posts to take them out of the greys, and b) if they X amount of dismissals put them back in ‘em.  

The Little Digger, in a rare foray into the comments, told me a coupla weeks back that Paste was insistent on keeping the comment around since they realised that, yeah, the comments are like 90% of the reason anyone still comes here, and that a “new solution” was being sought. 

Meanwhile, when AA Dowd still worked here...five years ago...

The Guardian has its review up and...the movie is basically The Fountainhead crossed with some instagram inspirationalism, and Atlas Shrug’s Rearden Metal. (Adam Driver’s architect character had invented a magic material called “Megalon” that can also bend space and time, because architects are also materials…