See, here’s the thing: people don’t actually dislike Taylor Swift. As I said, she has zero discernible...anything.

Honestly, fuck the whole genre. It’s trauma tourism, or let’s-mock-the-poors pointing-and-laughing.

“Is Dan Schneider a Brazilian-born clone of noted SS Obersturmgruppenfuhrer Adelbert Schneider, the so-called ‘Butcher of East Wallonia’, who escaped at the end of the war with over $1.5 million in traveler’s cheques and the lost recordings of Marlene Dietrich singing the works of George Formby? We cannot say with…

Fine, you’re smarter than a celebrity - BUT SEAN CONNERY STILL HAD SEX WITH YOUR MOTHER LAST NIGHT.

Are you saying my remake of Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery is gonna flop because when both Dr. Evil and Austin decide to freeze themselves they instantly die because that technology does not exist today, let alone back in the 1960s?

Most of Justified is in Lexington - it’s where the Marshals’ office is - but their turf does cover Harlan. Having to go to Harlan and take Raylan because he’s...I dunno, Harlanese? Harlish?...and they need him to get in good with the locals is like half the plots.

Hey, you know what’s even easier than “talking reckless”?

I genuinely could not name any personality trait - good, bad, or neutral - of Taylor Swift. I really could not. This is not me being facetious or anything, I honestly don’t know. As far as I can tell they put her in stasis between gigs/dates with other celebrities.

God, I love his delivery. “Is THAT how that works?” “It might be!”

They were never going to get LeBron out Cleveland:

Ford wouldn’t need the money if he didn’t keep getting high and putting his Beaver in inappropriate places.

Yeah. I just...didn’t want to interrupt the flow of A to B to C to the BC there.

You just wave your hands and say, in a spooky, mystical whisper “THE MARKET...” and then fade away into your Lamborghini Urus, your parachute’s shimmering gilding sparkling in the sun. 

He looks like someone who used to get topped by Tennessee Williams back in the day. 

He looks forward to the day where someone buys a bunch of hard drives off ebay, finds out they’re from the tiktok servers, and they remaster all the vids on there to 32k resolution.

She’s just been smoking cigarettes since Marky-Mark had a Funky Bunch. 

Lol. Putting someone with a probable TBI in charge of a quiz show. 

Sometimes I like to think that Paste made Carr and Barsanti play a game of Higher Number for who gets fired and who stays, and Barsanti called dibs on going first.

OK, but you really shouldn’t use “objective” like that.

HE FATHERED* THE WORLD’S MOST FAMOUS IGUANA!