I suddenly want to own an operate an ice cream truck that would blast the jaunty tunes of Serge Gainsbourg and bring a daily few minutes of hope to the residents of some rusty banlieue.

You are the only non-lawyer who correctly calls it trademark, not copyright. You’re a national treasure.

Oh come on. It’s not like Japan has a specific criminal caste that has operations all over the world, is famously involved in the domestic drifting/rally scene, and has deep connections to Japanese customs officers. 

Is that an LR Defender in the background of the video?

You two hanging out would be more a vicious black hole of enablement than any kind of intervention. Maybe we should be glad it didn't happen, or you might've convinced David that by virtue of the Chrysler merger Smarts are actually Jeeps. 

Tineye has no matches, meaning that you actually took this thing water-fording?

Tomalo con soda

Didn't you and David have some kind of hoarders' support group meetup in Wisconsin?

I thought "detonating a round" meant you squatted on the stove and you know--

Yeah. Rule 1 is always don't talk to cops. 

Wow, six-way reclining seats and a 32" TV? Next thing you know, power windows!

This is like that mansion at Wisconsin Dells. Anyone else have a childhood memory there?

You likely were arrested, even if it was never called that by the officer. Just as crime victims don't get to choose whether to "press charges," law enforcement officers don't get to say that a defacto arrest is just a detention. 

Lighten up, you’ll get that massage diploma one day.

Not sure why you assumed they were trying to get “the best engineers they can find.” More like the most cost-effective epidemiologists. And Ohio State is not a bad school, despite being “a public university in Ohio.”

I like my Sauna at 140F for two hours

“F the police, but who’s stopping you from killing me?” (Chuck D)

Checked LinkedIn. You handsome bastard.

Dude, you could’ve just called a plumber.

Ford’s lawyers aren’t stupid. There’s gonna be all kinds of occupant detection failsafes.