Irony, thou art the cruelest Keebler.

Yes, well, the Republican plan for everything:

By Gelfling hand, or by none!

He is within his rights to do so.

We are within our rights to stop patronizing all of his Sponsors (while letting them know why), cease watching any NASCAR event or buying any NASCAR merchandise, and to boycott all of his fundraisers, appearances and museums.

That’s the system.

When your girl texts you “I just got back from Victoria’s Secret...” and you’re out of tokens...

If Republicans do not immediately call for Jared Kushner’s resignation and prosecution, then they are immediately admitting that it was NEVER about anything OTHER than their inherent hatred of women in positions of power.

Why are people accused of sexual assault not arrested and prosecuted per normal criminal law on college campuses? You know, handcuffed, driven to jail in a squad car, mugshot, fingerprints, strip-search, jumpsuit, held until arraignment, given chance at bail, court date set, trial by jury, all that sort of thing?

How…

Long live the Fighters!

I’d go for the “Nick Offerman” option:

I sold cars for two months at a CJD dealership.

I am as pale as a fish’s belly... and NOT ONCE has an ICE officer stopped me and accused me of being an illegal Scottish immigrant.

I wonder why? HHHhmmmmmm......

I have a new campaign slogan for Mike Pence-

But, I thought that Lord Dampnut was a toooooooootally rich billionaireguy? Why would he need help with legal fees? Doesn’t he already own the souls of at least a dozen lawyers?

It is a proud American tradition.

I am not a conspiracy theorist. I’m just saying, it’s damned hard to quietly board a private jet for a non-extradition-treaty country if you have a bunch of Secret Service agents following you around.

So, the WH is firing people for controversial tweets, now?

When is President Pence being sworn in?