Probably way too soon to tell, but good longitudinal study fodder. I’m gonna say it’s a combo of: air show crashes, NASCAR carcinogens, sausages, Snausages, Natty Light, cat scratch fever, Hotel California, HPV, SIDS, BLM, DMV, BMX and RBG.

Just turned 45. Is my advanced degree going to save me?!?

I don’t even need to watch TV. I can just visit my mother’s house.

I assume Michelle is the first FLOTUS to wear Chucks, right?

I knew I was holding on to this image for a reason.

Spot on. Also, I used to work at a movie theatre in a tiny town that somehow, inexplicably, got Cory Feldman to do an appearance before a midnight showing of The Goonies. He wore sunglasses and white pants covered in rhinestones and now, every time I see his face, all I can think of is his white sparkly pants.

I hate this so much.

I believe they do that somewhere in Wisconsin.

I’m sorry, you’re totally right. If it was possible to have whatever she’s having John Legend would be the #1 choice. Followed by all of the foods.

Did he demand an omelette bar? I'd demand an omelette bar.

Peacock.

Tribble

Circus Peanut

Hair Club for Monsters

I’m guessing because there are so many regulations for baby furniture? Like if you buy an adult queen size bed frame from them and it’s $25 and it falls apart in 2 weeks they are just like yeah, that’s why it’s named kerrplunken.

Oh no. I love my pretentious black coffee and genuinely enjoy it, but I also love sugar-laden vanilla lattes and Mexican mochas from time to time.

I think people who take their coffee with skim milk are the most mentally disturbed of all. That shit tastes like despair and starvation.

By this logic, people who regularly drink Frappuccinos are the least psychopathic among us, and I refuse to accept that.

I hear Cat Fancy Magazine, too, is gonna stop showing pussies, opting instead for thought pieces by Lewis Lapham and Paula Poundstone.

I'm with you. I always order my French 75s with a splash of St.Germaine. It's delicious and drunk making.