Ever met an Australian? I totally believe it.

Thank you, but that’s not actually a “they were great this week.” These stories were all submitted at different times—for some reason, it just lined up that this week had a ton of Editor’s Notes. Go figure!

*flashes knees* RUG BURN TWINSIES

Scene- My bedroom, 2 AM, after a bottle and a half of wine.
Players (In a theatre sense, not like, a gross way to say ‘lovers’ or whatever)- My husband and also my me.

We were young, early 20’s, shitty on wine, having laugh sex, where we sort of clumsily bounced around the bedroom, laughing and not totally putting all…

Rocky is the best film.

+1 Talking is so overrated.

It’s from an early episode (you can tell, because kids appear in it), and he’s singing with the kids to a song called “Where is Thumbkin?” It’s one of those songs that has gestures that go along with it, and it (like EVERY children’s song from the era) shares a tune with “Frere Jacques.”

I still love Def Leppard. Not even sorry.

I thought to myself, “These can’t possibly be all that bad.”

Does it mean they’re born at six months old? At at one month old have the head-holding-up and rolling over ability of a seven month old?

That’s what I do: When I want to see Americans speaking English, I go to a kebab shop.

What really angers me about that is that the DM could have just as easily said “Yeah, you dislodge a rock, and it falls on your head. Take 1 HP of damage.” and gone on with everyone’s evening.

Btw, calling it “twit shit” doesn’t really make me want to fix this problem but I will because I am a magnanimous blogger.

Adding freestyle rap battle to my memorial service plans. (Paid mourners, and shooting my ashes out of a cannon to “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen are already on the list.)

So a week after I started this job, a guy who no longer worked at the publication I worked for died in a car accident. I never met him, and he was a copy editor so it wasn’t like I was familiar in any way with him through what he wrote.
But nevertheless, the EOC said everyone needed to go. So I went. And somehow the…

We never had celebrity visits when I was a kid in the hospital, but do you know what was the highlight of my week? The day when people brought in “therapy” animals. People often brought in friendly dogs and let us snuggle with them and play with them. One time this lady brought in four golden retriever puppies and…

Growing up I spent ALOT of time as a patient at CHOP (Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia) & they did a lot of incredible things for patients. When I was 16 the Eagles went to the super bowl so they had a raffle for signed Eagles merch, I won a D McNab signed football (gave it away to a kid who really wanted it. I’m…

Kat Dennings, you are wrong. Step to my punk-as-fuck teen self rocking the SLC Punk! white-thermal-under-white-tee action.

This one weird trick separates horny dudes from their money.

I think it’s time for me to make another donation to Planned Parenthood, but I can’t decide if I should do it in honor of Anna Duggar’s Brother, Closeted Bradley Cooper, or Mel Gibson’s Cunt Mouth.