Fair point, but I think that it has to do with a few basic things:

Mercedes AMG GLC 63S is still a 503hp biturbo V8.

I think it wins on looks. That said, I think the AMG GLC63S would be my choice because I just love the sound of the twin turbo AMG V8s (that’s before we ever even talk tuning potential). 

At the same time, if I wanted a stupidly fast BMW coupe with an inline six, I’d probably get the M2 Competition or a used M2 (probably the used M2 because the single turbo engine makes a better noise). Heck, you could even get an M240i or, erm, Z4 instead. The normies you mention will easily understand the…

So, if you were in the market for this type of car (and you had to choose a performance CUV), would you get

Not a Mustang

Well, after my bank job, I have no more financial issues. Legal issues, however, abound. 

That's, uh, an interesting take

Underrated comment here

Even more scary here because Kimi usually gets wasted right after the races. 

Indeed. Kinda think the F90 has it beat styling wise, but it’s definitely one of the better cars from the most recent decade.

The new 2 Series looks terrible. The F22 is good looking, but the F45/F46 looks like trash. Ever since the 8 Series, the BMW design language went down the crapper. I’m a big guy who needs the space of a 3er, but would kill for an M2 (with or w/out the Competition pack).

I have a solution to that bit. http://ripsawtank.com/ripsaw-ev2.html

17 inch wheels on a 2018 330i. Some might call me “poor,” but I’d argue that some of us like driving...which means we like having air in our tires to do so.

Introduce them to a winding road. Then their beloved “sport” utility vehicles might show some...less endearing traits. Blame the laws of physics for that. Petition Congress to have them repealed.

THIS...#COTD

Of the 2010s era BMWs (F and G generations), only the F30 3 Series looks decently styled (not brilliant, but could be worse...G20). I probably like it because the design is bland, but respectable. And because I have one...biased much?

I cannot wait until all the teens of suburbia replace their 320is with...this, um, “interestingly styled” vehicle. 

“Shit talker extraordinaire”

At least NYC has good public transportation.