I've been with my partner for seven years. We have had plenty of sex. I would still love his companionship even if we couldn't do it anymore. But I've loved Netflix for far, far longer.

Netflix + masturbation> Sex - Netflix. #sorrynotsorry

Hey, I heard that on NPR last week too!

I don't know about fashion, but I know in my industry if you change it by 20% or more it's not considered ripping it off. I know this because my old company basically made it their business model to rip everyone off and change things just enough to be legal. It really broke my spirit working there.

GQ's Shop This Style: Kraft stays hip by dating shockingly younger girls who dress him in Creative Recreation sneakers with suits, and Urban Outfitters drop-crotch joggers when they're just lounging around the mansion.

What? Fashion? Original?

"Hello Russell, this is Al Pacino, SHA MOH NAH"

Hush, we'll not have this thinking business round these here parts.

Shouldn't a boy who got a girl pregnant also be exhibiting poor "discipline" by this same reasoning and also be prohibited from class?

YOU MEAN LIKE TELLING YOUR COMMENTERS YOU'VE BEEN SOLD TO CONDE NAST? I MEAN, NO ONE WOULD EVER DO THAT. WOULD THEY? WOULD THEY?

If being a tacky American is wrong, I don't want to be right.

To be fair, people panic when confronted with the sight of someone eating candy corn. It's like walking in on someone eating live worms. You're not thinking right, you're just panicking and trying not to hurl. ;)

I had to stay late at work one day and the only two people there were myself and the owner of the company I worked for. It was around Halloween time and I had a huge bag of candy corn. Once the owner notices that I'm still at work we have the following conversation.

"Sorry! Didn't see this text"

I do it all. the. time. Even though I hate it when other people do it and we all know it's bullshit. Sometimes I really don't see a text. But I never bother giving the excuse when it's true.

The dumbest excuse I've ever used:

!!!!!!!

The guy who was asking for donations and telling everyone about the salary cut had just gotten a six-figure bonus.

Priorities, amirite?

Still waiting for someone to post a video of a over the top trojan horse where the head acts as the weight for the trebuchet.

I just got Besige last week and I can't get enough of it. It feels so satisfying to beat a level after tweaking you machine like 50x times.