You know how your mom uses your middle name when you’ve really fucked up? It’s like that.

I used to not be able to sit in certain seats on the bus, because the vibrations would give me no reason boners. The only way to get rid of them when I was approaching my stop was to think about cancer.

Seriously, what the fuck is going on in these images and why is it doing this?

Tu es bella come la papaya.

Something about this costume reads court jester.

Pic couldn’t be more perfect.

They probably offered, and he was all like, “Nah, I got this.”

Unless you, you know, got a big dick.

Heisenberg doesn’t do shit by half measures.

People will give you a hard time about the Nazi reference, but it’s true. You can’t measure how good a person you are based on how you treat people you know and care about, but by how well you care about and how well you treat people you’ve never met and who need your help.

Lay off the hallucinogens. It’s not the weekend.

Wouldn’t it be cool, though, if it were a big-ass crater?

Thanks. But I do think this one is an image of Pluto.

Is this flat area a side view of a massive impact crater or some kind of artifact in the image processing?

That’s more like it.

it’s basically Boston if the weather was great and 40 percent of the Massholes swam in the ocean a few times a week. If the city had a mascot, it’d be a 5-foot-7-inch shirtless dude calling someone a homo as he’s being held back by a girl in 6-inch platform sandals.

Her actual words were, “He put the pills in the people...”

Jeb Bush’s smug-as-fuck look makes even Dumbya look humble.

I would hang out with Karl Rove as long as I could get within icepick range.

Darkness!