I don't know. In retrospect I've known about a half-dozen women who did this. Like, I mean, who were total assholes to me for no discernable reason, other than I happened to be standing there. But it has a similar tone, now that I have something to compare it to.

Everyone knows that BroShep is not cannon.

Jesus does the best photobombs.

I had an imaginary friend, when I was a kid. Unlike most kids, my friend was a small dinosaur. He was so real to me that we used to have to set a place for him at the table. When my mother asked me, "Should I feed him, too?" I told her, "No, he kills his own food."

Duke of Weaseltown: She nearly killed me!

Ethan Hawke. I don't wanna live in a world where Ethan Hawke—your childhood friend who moved to L.A., became an actor/screenwriter, and turned insufferable, but you don't have the heart to tell him—has his career validated with an Oscar. Ethan Hawke should be the only person who takes Ethan Hawke seriously. Is that…

Look out, France. The ability to buy a microwavable burrito at three in the morning wears off really fast.

My idiot Swiss friends in high school were joking for the millionth time about how Americans will eat gross nasty stuff. So, on this particular day, I'd finally had it, and said to them, fine, and made a little concoction of Gruyère cheese, chocolate, mustard, this nasty sandwich spread (think catfood, but in a…

And somehow you left off Lars and the Real Girl.

I didn't start college until I was a little older. Even at 25, it would have felt way creepy to be hitting on 18 year old freshmen. I can't imagine how a prof justifies it to themselves.

I am always suspicious of men who call themselves feminists. At best it's like high fiving yourself.

He went to Harvard. For some people that counts as a verifying credential, especially with the NYT.

There's not an app that replaces normal cats with tiger cubs?

Sorry, I'm super-late to the discussion on this. I'm not sure if you saw this particular moment in the game, but at some point in the second half an official came out with a new ball, right before the Patriots were getting ready to start up again after a kickoff or punt or whatever. The Patriots were all set to go,…

Sure it affects both, but your team may have more fly ball hitters, or slower base runners, or whatever. Which is why I gather it counts as just something people do, instead of cheating.

Ask Brad Johnson, who paid off "some guys" (who are these guys?) to rough up all of the footballs before leading the Buccaneers to a championship in 2003.

Legend has it, he used to sit in the dugout whittling sharp points into the cleats of his shoes, so when he slid you knew to get the fuck outta the way.

Every time. Until we get an entirely new system of telling time.

Some people still believe in this bizarre notion that being drunk can completely transform a person's character and make them do things they would never do while sober, instead of simply admitting that it brings out all the shitty qualities that were already there.

There are other things baseball teams do to mess with the other team. For instance, if they have fast baserunners, they'll put extra water on the infield dirt, or if they have lots of ground-ball hitters, they'll leave the infield grass longer to slow the balls down.