It's like he found a fortune teller machine and wished to be big, turned into this version of Drew and never changed his shirt.

Oh, and Kevin? You're getting married AND closing on a house? Congrats, you're an honest-to-goodness adult now!

As a kid I shaved the chocolate butterfingers to make them "chicken nuggets" and scooped some ice cream as "mashed potatoes" for my dad when he got home from work.

I'm 31, with a master's degree, my husband is finishing up his PhD, we have a child, and we live in a 2 bedroom apartment. The American dream is dead.

Ehh, I went to a rural Ohio high school that only offered a few AP tests and zero SAT II (which were not even called that back then) tests. We regularly sent people to Harvard and Yale. Also, "4.2" was not a possible GPA to achieve. I'm younger than you.

"TL;DR"

Kelly Faircloth is riiiiiiight. The fact that Tagalongs are ranked below Trefoils is a goddamn travesty.

This is amazing and was kind of exactly my experience reading the books. Yes, all three. I was bedridden with stomach flu and someone sent me the PDFs. I read the whole fucking thing and I was like WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. These books are like some disgusting fried appetizer you get at Chilis or TGI Fridays that you…

"I think she likes sex already."

"Hello."

I have people suggesting pineapple/olive/banana pepper combos. These people belong on an FBI watchlist.

I nominate the Deadspin CBS March Madness Reply All-pocalypse. Over 1,100 messages, and still going.

The Deadspin 2014 CBS NCAA Tournament bracket Reply-All Apocalypse.

The Deadspin March Madness Bracket. Still keeps on ticking.

Halloween 2003 took place while I was in third grade,

"Maybe poker's not your game, Ike. I know! Let's have a spelling contest!"

I could see this movie 1,000 times and never get tired of it, all because of Doc Holliday.

Batman is not a super hero. Batman is a rich guy with a really weird hobby.

Truth. Their fries are objectively the best fast food fries. I will not apologize for liking their chicken nuggets either. Yes, I know how they are made. No I do not care. They are fucking delicious because my mom let me have them as a special treat after getting an A in school or winning at something.

Yes, they take insurance. I'm in California and have a crazy high prescription (AKA my contacts are a "special order" AKA expensive as h*ll), and Costco's contact lens costs are 1/3 of what I paying before at a doctor's office.