I’m hoping this comment section turns into all of our favorite tweets:

My face is already quite punchable.

So much this. I was always pro-choice, but I can distinctly remember two instances in my pregnancy - one as I was throwing up everything I’d eaten all day after having to bolt from the dinner table, and the other as I was on doctor’s appointment number four for the week (while starving, because thanks gestational…

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

Talk about a case of the boy that cried lobo...

Goddamn it. I can’t very well listen to a podcast while I’m pooping at work, now can I?

I’m still getting reply-alls from the CBS NCAA Deadspin tourney. This was a week ago.

If you spill ketchup or ice cream, you can usually Febreeze the smell away in due time.

Mint flavoring belongs in one thing: mints. Mint cookies, mint liquors, mint milk, mint ice cream, mint chocolates are all garbage. I don’t want my cookies to taste like damn Certs, thank you very little.

That must be the most infuriated she’s been in all her 4 years as a Seahawks fan.

This is going to be such a glorious shitshow.

I’m so glad this team that I have unnecessarily invested so many emotions into for nearly twenty years fired the best coach it had employed in over a decade for having too big an ego before hiring a coach with an even bigger ego, who sucks.

The office I worked in right out of college was in a 5 floor office building. We were on the 5th floor, but the 4th floor was 3/4 empty, and the empty suites on that floor were just unlocked. One of them faced the sun all day by virtue of wrapping around a corner of the building, and since the building had…

Bookmarked to read later.

Offended Iowans should take the same advice conservatives give to minorities when they are offended: "stop being so sensitive."

Tom Brady is the Tom Cruise of the NFL.

Can Gawker just list off all the people they’ve fired instead of this Cleveland-like sadness parade where I keep going into a column I enjoy to find out that it’s the last entry?

Christ, Harvard really is insufferable in every imaginable way.

Are you Jim Tomsula? This sounds like a Jim Tomsula life-hack.