I’m hoping this comment section turns into all of our favorite tweets:

My face is already quite punchable.

So much this. I was always pro-choice, but I can distinctly remember two instances in my pregnancy - one as I was throwing up everything I’d eaten all day after having to bolt from the dinner table, and the other as I was on doctor’s appointment number four for the week (while starving, because thanks gestational…

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

Talk about a case of the boy that cried lobo...

Goddamn it. I can’t very well listen to a podcast while I’m pooping at work, now can I?

Sure, those are all fine reasons, but can even he match the most important attribute that Bowie brought to Labyrinth?

I’m still getting reply-alls from the CBS NCAA Deadspin tourney. This was a week ago.

If you spill ketchup or ice cream, you can usually Febreeze the smell away in due time.

Mint flavoring belongs in one thing: mints. Mint cookies, mint liquors, mint milk, mint ice cream, mint chocolates are all garbage. I don’t want my cookies to taste like damn Certs, thank you very little.

That must be the most infuriated she’s been in all her 4 years as a Seahawks fan.

This is going to be such a glorious shitshow.

I’m so glad this team that I have unnecessarily invested so many emotions into for nearly twenty years fired the best coach it had employed in over a decade for having too big an ego before hiring a coach with an even bigger ego, who sucks.

The office I worked in right out of college was in a 5 floor office building. We were on the 5th floor, but the 4th floor was 3/4 empty, and the empty suites on that floor were just unlocked. One of them faced the sun all day by virtue of wrapping around a corner of the building, and since the building had…

Bookmarked to read later.

Offended Iowans should take the same advice conservatives give to minorities when they are offended: "stop being so sensitive."

Tom Brady is the Tom Cruise of the NFL.

Can Gawker just list off all the people they’ve fired instead of this Cleveland-like sadness parade where I keep going into a column I enjoy to find out that it’s the last entry?

Christ, Harvard really is insufferable in every imaginable way.