“Compton Magic” is both a terrible name and terrifying name all wrapped in one.

After that laugh, now I have a second reason to go to bed earlier than planned. Thank you, sir.

I’m fully on-board with this meltdown. Shit like this can mess with you whether you’re a pro athlete, musician, model, or any regular schlub.

“Deceased Mode”.

Soooo...is Sergio elite now?

It must be really hard to throw and land a punch when you’ve got reach like that.

He scored exactly the same way every Chelsea leg-humper that I beat 4-1 in FIFA Online this year.

As he sat across the bar...tweeting. Not saying anything to anyone’s face.

They thought Hart made a few great saves...from their couches, watching at home.

In retrospect, I should’ve made my name TheLionelMessiLonelyTaxFundBand, but I was too pissy about the original post.

Long time reader, first time poster...I had to make this account ONLY because the match assessment is so ridiculous.