I have an old lady who calls and asks me to read poetry to her.

We librarians are still patient and long suffering. Now it just involves explaining to patrons that we don’t know their AOL (!) password and no, the My Documents folder on the public computer does not contain the items from their home computer’s My Documents folder.

“Nameless Fruit” would be a good band name

I want to love Aquaphor, but I can’t get past the fact that it gets all over EVERYTHING. I get that it’s supposed to sit on your skin and not absorb quickly, but that just means, for me, that any time I try to use it, there’s Aquaphor everywhere. On the lamp, in my eye, coating the sheets, in the kitchen somehow even…

ABOUT TO MAKE IT RAIN UP IN THIS BITCH

Same. I got more into reading everyone’s comments and one woman flipped out at this other girl for saying something she thought was mean (it wasn't, she was being funny) and told her that she should go to Jezebel if she was going to be mean and snarky. I thought, those are probably my people and never turned back.

But...how girl get pragnent? How is babby formed?

Get out of my uterus!

I also get a shock about once a day when I read an article that I thought was on Jezebel and then it turns out it was shared from Gawker. I usually can tell within about 2 comments.

Nooooo TILDA SWINTON.

I guess the “goes to church” demographic and the “rides a bike” demographic don’t overlap?

If it’s too congested and expensive for churches to be in a particular area, is that really a violation of their rights? Do they have a constitutional right to prime urban real estate? I think not.

Boy says to his dad “can I borrow the keys to the car”

I can never not see Maru when I see Nick Offernan.

Let’s be clear. A threesome with Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally would be the BEST threesome.

It’s kindof like this. As a progressive Christian, the conservative crazy Christians will tell you you’re not really a Christian, since you are pro-choice and support gay marriage and want to help poor people. However, the non-religious people think we’re like the conservative Christians. We’re not.

Can any of Bernie's supporters actually name any of his policies and how he plans to implement them? Or do you need to google his talking points?

I want Biden to show up and show that million dollar smile