I have a fantasy that Joe Biden will show up wearing a mink coat and carrying a diamond cane, talk shit about the GOP field for 10 minutes, then vanish in a puff of smoke.

I have never understood why they don’t have a “coffee only” line for those of us who, well, want only coffee.

By this logic, people who regularly drink Frappuccinos are the least psychopathic among us, and I refuse to accept that.

It’s a well-known fact that psychopaths are obsessed with pants-zipping.

Are we not all sadists and psychopaths before the first cup of coffee?

I prefer my coffee with heavy cream or hazelnut creamer. I drink it black because I drink a lot of it and also like to zip my pants.

I hear Cat Fancy Magazine, too, is gonna stop showing pussies, opting instead for thought pieces by Lewis Lapham and Paula Poundstone.

Well said.

I would read it out of morbid curiosity, as I would a novel written by a giant spider pretending to be human.

The Corrections was quite good, but where he really shows a gift for writing from the pov of the ladies is in Freedom. It contains a 50-page excerpt of a woman’s diary, which sounds like the rest of the novel but about lady things. Badly done, Mr. Franzen. If you’re going to be such a dick, you have to be a better…

“There’s a certain sameness to high-end restaurant experiences” - Totally what a poor person would say.

They couldn’t get Emma Stone.

STOP GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY OUTRAGE.

I just googled and apparently the “é” in Raven-Symoné’s name is NOT pronounced. It’s the same as “Simone.” Now THAT is a crime against the accent aigu.

HELL YEA RETURN OF GOOFY CLOONEY

Having Tim Gunn stop believing in you would be 947 times harder than having Tyra Banks stop believing in you.

Swapnil also did not get the customary “we’ll miss you in the workroom” speech and hug after elimination. TG was really mad at him.

Yup, Kasich gets the “moderate” appellation from national news only because the rest of his friends in the clown car is so fucking insane. He’s anti-choice, and it’s clear from this article why.

With Satan, the ground floor is the top floor.

M’lighter...